All I can think to write about tonight is how much I love fall. But I’ve already done that so many times. Here. And here (yes, those are two posts, a year apart, with the same title). And here. At least once each year I write a post in which I wax poetic about how much I love fall. I can’t help it. I do love it so. I am trying hard to resist the urge to slip into my fall-loving commentary again. Instead, I’ll let the photos from this weekend show my love, and I’ll try to write about something else.
Okay. I’m trying to think of something else to write about.
Look at the photo below. My hubby is playing Monster chase with the girls. He has pink sidewalk chalk on his butt.
Still trying to think of something.
Oh! I finished reading Atlas Shrugged tonight. Great book. 1168 pages. Yowza. Maybe that’s why my brain feels a bit sluggish right now. I kind of don’t know what to do with myself now that I’m done. Who is John Galt?
More photos.
I give up. We’re having fun with fall. We’re getting pumpkins tomorrow. Carving photos to come soon. And perhaps some intelligent words as well.
Most days, I juggle spending time playing with my girls with all sorts of other daily stuff-I-have-to-do, like folding laundry, cooking dinner, grocery shopping, showering, and so on. It’s just the nature of being a mom. I’d like to spend tons and tons of time just playing with my kids. But I have to get other stuff done. So I alternate playing and doing something on my never ending mental to-do list. They play on their own. They’re pretty good at it. I think it’s a good thing.
But even though they’re good at entertaining each other and themselves, I do love to get down on the floor and just play with them without distractions. I do this at least for a little while every day. Today I made a point of skipping the laundry and other stuff and just being with them. We played dress up and sang songs. I was alternately assigned the roles of Beast, Evil Queen, Happy (dwarf), a giant, Snow White’s mother (?), Prince Charming, and Gaston.
And just when I thought I was being Super Awesome Mom and we were having the best. time. ever., Miss asked, “Is anyone coming over to play with us?” She was referring to a babysitter. I told her that no one was, that I was staying and playing with them.
“But I want someone to come play with us.”
Huh? I’m your Mom and I’m here, laughing and tickling and being silly and wearing crazy hats and playing all these stupid characters and you want a babysitter?
Yeah. Okay. I love that my girls like their babysitters. That’s a good thing. But when it comes to this sort of stuff, being compared with babysitters, Mom kind of gets a raw deal. I mean, let’s face it, I just can’t compete with someone who gets paid to do nothing but lavish all her attention and energy on my kids for the entire time she’s with them. She doesn’t have to do laundry, make beds, vacuum floors, make grocery lists, and on and on while trying to attend to my three kids. And while I’m pouting about this, I can’t compete with my husband on this stuff either. But that’s mostly just because he is totally willing to play monster and chase and hide and seek all. evening. long. with my two older girls. And truth? I really don’t like playing chase and hide and seek, so I’m giving that one up to him. But still …
Watching the game!
I know. There are lots of times when my kids want only me. When they’re sick, or hurt, or scared, or tired. Or nervous, or excited, or proud. If I’m on the phone or trying to have a discussion with another mom at a play date. They want me when there’s a book to be read or a song to be sung. No one can tuck them in quite like me (though Miss chose to have my mom tuck her in every night when my parents visited recently).
I had to take the girls to the doctor today, because Miss had an ear infection. Third trip to the doctor in four days.
Sometimes other people, like Daddy, grandparents, and babysitters, are popular with my kids because they can provide them with undivided attention for extended periods of time. I do it sometimes too of course, though not as much as I’d like. Even when I make a point to just play, things don’t always work out the way I plan (today was a day for just playing, but then Miss complained of ear pain so we had to go to the doctor and then to Target for a prescription).
As Mom, I often have to divide my attention between my three girls or between my girls and the myriad other things I have to do each day. They are often excited to have a babysitter to play with them. They’re always excited for grandparents and their Dad.
It never bothers me that they love being with other people. I think it’s great. And it truly doesn’t bother me that they sometimes choose other people over me (though I was kind of shocked today to be dissed while I was doing what I thought was some super awesome playing with them).
Thing is, it’s not a competition. No one else can be their Mom. No one else will ever fill that role for them but me. And if they’re secure in that, then they’ll be happy to have great relationships with the other special people in their lives. They have awesome relationships with their Daddy and grandparents and aunts and uncles. And yes, clearly they enjoy their babysitters. Each of these relationships is special and important for each of my girls.
I don’t give my girls undivided attention all day long. I don’t think any mom does. It would be weird and helicopter-ish if I did. Instead, I spend some time giving them focused attention and the rest of the time they have me here, nearby, all day every day as their sounding board. Their touchstone. When they run to me or call to me countless times each day, I’m always here to answer, to listen, to watch.
They know that I’m always here, and that I always will be. Even when they choose the babysitter (or Grandma or Daddy) over me.
This is my favorite time of year. When the air cools and becomes crisp and smells amazing. When everything changes so quickly. And beautifully. When I think, at least once per day, that I wish I had my camera so I could pull my car over and take a photo of that gorgeous farmstead, that harvested field, that amazing tree. …
I didn’t pull over to take this photo. This is just the tree in our front yard.
Often, I don’t have my camera. But even when I do, I never pull over to take photos of what I see as I drive along. I’m always worried about finding a safe place to stop. Or about getting home quickly because my kids are hungry, or tired, or need to go to the bathroom. Maybe I should make a point of keeping my camera with me. Maybe I should stop once in a while. Seize the moment and all that. Maybe someday I will. But for now, who needs photos of farms and trees, when you have this?
Leaves on a trampoline –
A nice front porch for hanging out –
And drawing –
Lots of leaves for gathering and raking and throwing and jumping –
This time of year is when I get the urge to do more spontaneous things. Simple things to soak in the beauty of my favorite season. Like pulling my car over on a country road simply to take a beautiful photo. Or stopping at the roadside pumpkin stand.
And then I remember I need to make lunches and feed a hungry baby and get girls down for naps, or get to school/swimming/gymnastics on time, or get home to start cooking dinner.
Oh well. I do try to do other simple things that make the most of the perfect fall days we’ve been having, like impromptu lunch picnics and walks and jumping in leaf piles. We are planning Halloween costumes and will be getting pumpkins for carving soon. We watch football and buy apples at the farmer’s market. I get lots of gorgeous photos of my girls enjoying the season. We’ve got leaves in hair, crazy outfits, precarious wielding of very large yard tools. … Soon we’ll have pumpkins, bigger leaf piles, and two little girls trick or treating as ballerinas (again). Who needs photos of barns and cows and fields?
My mom is a children’s librarian. When she comes to visit, she usually brings cool books or book-related activities for the girls to do. This is great, because I’m not always so great at coming up with stuff like this for them (says the mom who is planning to homeschool her kids when they begin kindergarten … yikes). During my parents’ recent visit she brought a fun project to go with the new book “The Artist Who Painted a Blue Horse” by Eric Carle.
We love Eric Carle books. We have a ton of them. With this new book the publisher is doing some sort of marketing thing where they encourage kids to “paint” their own horse picture, using the printable you can find here, and mail it to Mr. Carle. So, we did.
Love.
We mailed them off the other day. Miss was excited about sending them to Mr. Carle, though she didn’t really understand what he would do with them (nor do I). As a nice side note, the activity prompted lots of discussion about authors and artists and the mail and addresses and how all that works.
After reading this book and talking about how books get made, Miss asked to make a book to give to my husband when he came home from his trip. She titled it “Wee Willy Winky” and had me write that on each page that she illustrated with her art work. I’m thinking I might print out some other pics like this horse and let the girls color and put together their own books.
They are quite into being “artists” after reading this. Awesome.
My husband has been gone for the past 10 days elk hunting in Colorado. My parents left this morning after visiting with the girls and me for a week to help out while he’s been gone. Their visit was all part of the plan for my husband’s trip, and I am so glad they were able to come. Of course I would have been able to manage if they hadn’t (I’m obviously not the first woman to have to care for children by myself for a while), but it sure did help that they were here. Especially since I was so out of sorts last weekend. Last week I was having a rough time getting in my groove. My parents’ arrival was like hitting the “reset” button.
I think we all sometimes just need to hit reset.
When you’re a mom, sometimes the stuff just kind of piles on, and no matter how much or how fast you dig, you end up feeling a bit buried. Last week, I was feeling it up to my neck. And it wasn’t just because my husband had been working nights and then left town. That was only part of it. When you’re home with small children all day every day, stuff just gets to you some days.
Fact is, being a stay-at-home mom is sometimes a lonely job. I love it, but it just is. That’s why I talk to my husband or chat with friends. Have play dates or go to Target. I love my girls fiercely, but naturally, interactions with them happen on their level. They do talk a lot. I mean, a lot. And I love talking to them. I love hearing how their little minds work and the questions they come up with. But good lord, the questions! Sometimes they can overwhelm. A good friend described it well when she said that a mother of several small children hardly ever gets a chance for her mind to be quiet. Which is all fine, except sometimes I like to have time for my mind to be quiet. I like to have time to think and reflect and also to talk with other valued grown ups. Failing that, I’ll make a run to Target, where at least I can see a few random grown ups, and have a short interaction with the check out girl, and hopefully the change of scenery keeps my girls occupied enough to keep them from grabbing and scratching and pinching each other for 15 minutes. …
My point is, in all the noise, it’s okay to lose it sometimes. Hit reset. Move on.
This week, I’m good. I’m back to me. As in Mom-who-has-her-shit-mostly-in-a-pile-instead-of-raining-down-on-her me.
In spite of my sometimes insanity, I love being a stay at home mom. I don’t want my life to be any other way. My life’s work is right here, in progress.
I started the 3-Day Potty Training program with Lass today. I used the program with Miss, and it worked really well, so I figured it was time to jump into it with Lass. Day 1 was an overall success.
I was a bit nervous at first, since apparently she has an iron bladder. She hardly went at all this morning, in spite of my pushing water like mad. So I was worried she wouldn’t get enough chances to go and thus, to learn. After her nap she drank a ton more water though, and things picked up. She seemed to really be getting the hang of it by bedtime.
Though the author of the program recommends doing nighttime training right away and not using pull ups at all even at night, I learned from my experience with Miss that it is much less stressful for everyone involved (and I sleep better) if we use pull ups during nap and bedtime. So we’re doing that again.
Hopefully we’ll have more great progress tomorrow.
I’m staring at the screen tonight, not really sure how to write what I want to write.
I guess I’m not entirely sure what it is I even want to say, so I’m just going free form here, and hopefully something coherent will emerge.
The past week has been a rough one for me. I’m far from the perfect mom, but there have been moments this past week that I’ve struggled to even feel competent. I mentioned that I don’t much enjoy the weeks when my husband works nights. I have less back up and less time with him. Plus I think my girls miss their time with him, so they end up being less easygoing as well. I don’t have family nearby, so when circumstances align so that my husband’s availability is limited, my sleep is less than optimal, and my older girls are listening to me about as well as my dog (who’s deaf) does, I end up feeling very cranky and impatient. Adrift and lonely.
I have to take more deep breaths. I have to tell myself to chill out. I have to get creative to keep everyone mostly sane. I sometimes have to apologize to my kids for being a big jerk. I pay a babysitter to get an hour of uninterrupted time by myself. I count the minutes until a play date with a cherished friend, whom I don’t get to see often enough now that summer is over. I keep telling myself, “The reinforcements are coming. And it’s gonna be good!” And it will.
My parents are coming tomorrow to help out while my husband is out of town for the next ten days. Hallelujah. We are thrilled to have Grandma and Grandpa coming.
Because Grandma does much better than throwing a bunch of crap on the table and calling it “craft time.”
Because Grandpa and I can put together something much better for dinner than a PB&J picnic/movie night.
Because I’ll pull myself out of this funk and get my mommy-groove back.
I’m not really sure what has had me so out of sorts this past week. Yes, I have missed my husband (still do), but that’s not all. I’m tired, lonely, and feeling frayed. I suppose all moms have times like these. Hell, I sure hope I’m not the only one!
My reinforcements are coming. I’m running on fumes, but soon my tank will be full again.
A few months ago, I wrote about my early efforts in switching my eating habits to a paleo diet. Trying to eat what the cavemen ate. No processed foods. No breads, pasta, or other grains. Mostly just meat and vegetables. Some fruit and nuts. That’s about it. I’ve been learning to switch my eating habits and find ways to make my more limited choices for food delicious. I’ve been coming up with new go-to recipes. It’s been going pretty well. Meat of some sort and roasted vegetables with a pan sauce it a pretty common dinner at our house now. I have learned to use almond meal in meatloaf and even made some grain- and dairy-free “tortillas” for taco night. It’s working.
But. Another food group that is not found in the paleo-style of eating is dairy. In my first post about going primal I mentioned that I was not willing to give up milk. In fact, I haven’t done a very good job of giving up dairy in general. Cheese. Sour cream. Milk (especially frothed in my coffee). Ice cream. No way. I thought I just couldn’t do it. However, I have rethought my stance on this and decided to give it another try. So, I’m giving up dairy, including milk and ice cream. There are two reasons for this. First is that my post-pregnancy weight loss has been excruciatingly slow, and I thought this would help. The other is that I have something called keratosis pilaris, which is a fancy name for a yucky rash on the backs of my upper arms, and I heard from a couple of sources that this could be due to a mild food allergy and that cutting out grain and dairy could help. I had already cut the grain. Didn’t work. What can I say? I am vain. I had to try to cut the dairy to see if I could get the arm thing to go away.
I have pretty much been dairy-free for about two weeks now. I had a bit of pizza when we were out of town for Labor Day weekend and a little bit of ice cream. Twice. Oh, and once I had a Starbucks mocha. But other than that, no dairy. I haven’t seen much change on my arms yet. Some, but not much. This might be due to the fact that I think this keratosis pilaris is also hormone-related to some degree, as it always gets worse when I’m pregnant and for a while after (anyone else have this problem?). So maybe I just have to wait a bit longer for all that to get back to normal. On the up side, I’ve lost about seven pounds since ditching the dairy. Not too shabby.
So, how has life been with no dairy? Surprisingly not bad. I can make a decent substitute for sour cream with coconut milk and vinegar. I don’t miss cheese or yogurt. Much. I have begun using almond milk or coconut milk in my coffee. This has been great, except when I go somewhere to meet a friend for coffee and know they won’t have almond milk or coconut milk there. In those cases I bring my own.
Yes, that is almond milk in the same type of bottle into which breast milk is typically pumped. Yes, I took this into the coffee shop today and poured it into my coffee. And yes I did clarify, to my friend and also the women working there, that it was almond milk, not breast milk.
Coffee was one of the biggest hurdles for me to overcome in the move away from dairy. I do love frothed milk in a coffee. But almond milk is an excellent substitute, so that doesn’t really feel like a sacrifice anymore. Another big hurdle has been trying to figure out what to eat throughout the day. With three kids under four, I don’t have time to get real elaborate with the things I eat. I used to eat a Zone bar a couple of times a day (gave those up about a month ago) and maybe a piece of muenster cheese here, a yogurt there. Since the dairy drop I have had to get more creative, but it hasn’t been too hard. So what do I eat now? I have a few go-to items during the day:
– Lunch meat or grilled chicken breasts from the deli
– Salad – I have invested in some excellent olive oil and balsamic vinegar for this and stopped putting feta or bleu cheese in with my greens
– Foil packs of salmon or tuna – I scoop the salmon out and add a little bit of olive oil, lemon juice, and salt, or just eat the tuna out of the pack. The flavored packs of tuna are great, especially the herb and garlic flavor.
– Baby carrots
– Apples. I eat a lot of apples.
– Trail mix made up of raisins, dried dates, and cashews. I try to keep this to a minimum, but it’s my favorite treat.
Other things I don’t go to as often but have on my list are hard boiled eggs (I never bother to boil the eggs), cut up veggies like bell peppers, cucumbers, etc. (I never get around to cutting up the veggies), and berries (these usually get devoured by my kids). I never realized, until making a point of changing my eating, how much my eating used to be dictated by convenience. It’s so easy to grab a scoop of cottage cheese or a stick of string cheese or a yogurt cup or a bowl of cereal. It’s getting easier to see the other choices as convenient too.
The hardest thing, by far, is not having ice cream. Okay, truth? The hardest thing is the idea of not having ice cream. Coconut milk ice cream and almond milk ice cream are okay, but they’re just not the same. I have actually had real ice cream twice and frozen yogurt once (in-a-little-over-two-weeks-insert-sheepish-grin-here), and still look for excuses to eat it, even more than I did before I “gave it up.” I guess the thought that I can’t have it anymore makes me think about it more and want to eat it all the time. I don’t give in most of the time. But give me any “occasion” and I’m all over it. Date night? You bet. Cookout with friends? Why not? A special treat after today’s lunch picnic with the girls? Sure! A pint of Hagen Daz split three ways isn’t too much anyway … right?
Right?
Going dairy-free has not been as difficult as I thought it would be. I sometimes miss milk, and maybe some day I’ll go back to it. But for now, I’m happy to be giving this a try. It really is helping me to get over the hump with my baby-weight loss. Imagine where I’d be if I could just kick the ice cream. …
Recently my husband came home from work and told me about a conversation he had with two of his colleagues during lunch. He said that one guy was discussing schools, the importance of choosing the right school, how expensive private schools are, and so on. The other guy, who doesn’t have children yet, was taking this all in and seeming quite concerned about it. Then they asked my husband where our girls will be going to school, and he replied, “We’re going to homeschool.” Well. They were shocked and asked all sort of questions, starting with “Why?” and quickly moving to “What about socialization?”
When my husband came home and told me about this my response was a knowing nod and chuckle. “Hehe. Yep, they always ask about socialization. Ha ha ha.” Then I laughed a little more, at myself, because that was me about five minutes ago.
I used to ask the same thing. My initial reluctance to homeschooling when my husband suggested it was for that very reason. Socialization. Yes, the S-word. It really freaked me out. Then, I decided to actually educate myself on the topic and find out what socialization, in the context of homeschooling, is really all about.
When I started thinking about it, I ended up having to turn my ideas about the concept of “socialization” upside down. Because really, what I think about as socialization, is based on my experience of having gone to public schools. Naturally I, and most of the rest of society in this day and age, tend to think of regular school as the way for socialization to occur. You go to school, you sit in a room with 25 or so other kids of your same age, you listen to a teacher a little bit, you pass notes, you do work from a book, you have recess, and so on. When you get a bit older, you have school dances and football games and lockers and pep rallies. Lots of things that I remember fondly from my days of going to school.
But those things are only one way to experience childhood and adolescence. And really, I have lots of other memories of my school days that aren’t quite so pleasant, like the merciless teasing of one boy who was seen picking his nose in class one day, or the hateful taunting of a disabled girl in the lunchroom, or the passing of notes amongst tweenage girls saying something like, “Let’s be mad at Jenny,” for no reason other than to be mean, or the times when I was the one everyone chose to be “mad” at and spent recess alone. And this was, of course, before the days of Facebook and Twitter and cell phone cameras and all sorts of other scary stuff kids have access to these days.
As I have learned about socialization and reflected on how kids are currently interacting in most regular schools, I began to realize that I don’t actually want my kids to be socialized in schools. I don’t want them to have to face the mean girls of the world or various peer pressures all day every day without some back up or guidance from their Mom. I know some people argue that kids need to go through the difficulties that come with school and peer interactions in order to grow into tough, independent adults. But my thought in response to that idea is, “Why?” Why cant’t kids learn to navigate the social waters of the world and become competent, caring, responsible citizens in a different way than what is currently set up in our culture? Why do they need to go through an experience of being with many other children of the same age, under minimal supervision, while I have no idea what they’re doing, in order to be “socialized”? Why does their main source of socialization need to be their peers?
So, in response to my own questions, I have decided that it doesn’t necessarily have to go down that way and have chosen to do it differently. I have learned that homeschooling groups are abundant and so widely varied that I have found several sources of “socialization” that I think will fit with my worldview and the things I want my children to learn. We will have plenty of social interaction. We will do gymnastics classes and Daisies and other sports and recreational activities. We will get together for play dates, with children of varying ages, some of whom are homeschooled and some who aren’t (our best friends are not a homeschooling family). We will go on field trips and do volunteer work and interact with people in the “real world” in many different ways, so that when it’s all said and done, I’m confident my kids will be at least as well socialized as kids who go to school.
And through it all, we will have lots of time together to figure out the rest of it. If I’m honest, I have to admit that I still have no idea just how I’m going to homeschool. I’m not sure if I’ll be good at it. Though I am truly sold on the idea of it at this point, when I think about the logistics of doing it day to day, I start to panic a little bit. But at least I can say this: whatever else they learn, I feel good about my ability to help my kids learn to be good social beings. And I’ll keep working on figuring out the rest of it.
Yesterday we had a wonderful celebration at home for Lass’s birthday. She started the day a bit less enthused than she was when we had her little party at my sister-in-law’s house. That day she was telling everyone excitedly all day that it was her birthday party and she was going to blow out her candles. On her actual birthday she woke up in a mood, and when I went to get her up and told her “Happy Birthday,” she frowned and said, “No I NOT!” She did this all morning, complete with her exaggerated mad face (and sometimes the statement “I mad!”) and dramatic crossing of her arms over her chest. Though I was wishing she was more happy about her birthday, it was quite adorable.
After her nap and by the time my husband got home she was a bit more cheerful and excited for her day. The girls helped make dinner and we had ice cream sundaes for dessert, with a candle and singing of course.
Princesses were plentiful in her gifts, mostly Cinderella of course. She got a beautiful new Cinderella dress complete with glass slippers and was in heaven dancing around in it, posing to see her reflection.
She also got a new set of mini-princesses, just like the Cinderella she carries around all the time. She got Cinderella, Ariel, and Snow White, in wedding dresses, with their princes. The new Cinderella was introduced to the old Cinderella and there was some kissing.
She likes the new Cinderella.
But my girl is nothing if not loyal. The old Cinderella, whose dress is totally missing its skirt now, is still ever present in her left hand.
Sis enjoyed watching all the festivities and laughed at her sisters playing.
The birthday was a wonderful success, right up until the very end. Just as I was getting ready to take Sis upstairs to put her to bed, Lass threw up all over her new dress and the kitchen floor. Chaos ensued briefly, but we managed to get Lass a bath and all three girls to bed fairly quickly after that. The birthday girl did sleep all night, though she woke up still feeling pretty yucky this morning.
We had a jammie day and watched movies.
She perked up a little bit before lunch.
We had a picnic dinner while watching Sleeping Beauty before bed. You can see she’s feeling much better.
I think we may have found a new family movie night tradition… Off to get ice cream. Good night.
