As usual on Friday Saturday?, linking up with Conversion Diary.
1.
A few weeks ago, I wrote a quick take about how I have been feeling annoyed with the nicknames I chose to use for my kids when I first started blogging and have been thinking about changing them (see #7 here). I don’t enjoy writing with the nicknames. It feels awkward, and sometimes silly. Plus, sometimes people tell me they have a hard time keeping my girls straight when reading about them with the nicknames. Even those who know them in real life are sometimes like, “Wait, which one is Lass again?”
So, for several weeks now I’ve been trying to decide what to do about it, or whether to do anything at all. I finally came to a decision, and here’s the thought process by which I came to it, in Quick Takes form, of course:
2.
When I first started this blog in 2009, I automatically gave Miss her nickname out of paranoia from my prison/forensic psychologist days.
I’m not so much worried that someone might find us and try to come and get us (though I am a little bit). Mostly, I don’t want inmates/former inmates to be able to read about my family.
But this concern is more related to my choice to not use my last name here, and I the fact that I don’t give information about specifically where we live, rather than whether I choose to use my kids’ real names.
3.
So as I began thinking about the nicknames, I asked myself the question, “What do I really think would happen if I used their real names?” At first, I couldn’t really come up with anything, honestly. So I considered just switching to using their real names. But then I talked to my husband about it, and we discussed the possibility of someone, many years from now, Googling one of our girls (or whatever the equivalent from of searching for information is in 20 years), and it just didn’t seem worth it. Her future employer doesn’t need to read my thoughts on my daughter’s first temper tantrum, for example.
I make a point to try not to write things about my kids that I think they might be upset with me for sharing when they get a little older. One of the reasons I write this blog is that I want them to have a record of their lives from the perspective of their Mom that they might cherish someday and share with their own families. But I want them to have the option to not share it with those they would prefer not to see it.
4.
When I was discussing the possibility of using the girls’ real names with my husband he asked me, “Well, what is the benefit of using them?” Other than it being easier to write and easier for people to read, I didn’t really know the answer to that one either.
But then yesterday I was reading Kendra’s blog, and coincidentally she wrote a Quick Take about her thoughts on how it might seem kind of off-putting to a reader that a blogger doesn’t trust him or her enough to share her kids’ real names (see take #6 here).
I had never thought about it that way. That perhaps it would make my blog more relatable to readers if I used my kids’ real names, or even make it seem as though I don’t want to connect with others if I don’t. Or that it might seem as though I don’t wish to be part of the blogging community by withholding that piece of information from those who read here. I would never want it to seem offensive or rude that I don’t use my kids’ names. But I just don’t feel comfortable with it.
5.
So, going back to my original issue, which is that it’s annoying to write with the nicknames, and I don’t like the way the blog reads with them, and some people can’t keep my kids straight. . . I came up with a solution, with the help of my husband.
I let my girls choose their own aliases, using names that start with the same letter as their real names, so those who know them in real life will be able to easily keep them straight. My plan was to use these new, self-chosen aliases instead of those I chose, sort of at random, in the beginning and as I’ve added more children.
6.
I wrote this whole post, planning to “introduce” my kids with their new nicknames.
But then I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I don’t know if I’m resistant to change, or if I just can’t picture referring to my kids in my writing as anything other than Miss, Lass, and Sis. But my hesitation to pull the trigger on this is the reason this Friday post is being published on Saturday.
So. Instead of introducing them with their new nicknames, I’l refresh your memory on which is which with their old nicknames. And just for fun, I’ll tell you the nicknames they chose for themselves.
This is my oldest. I call her Miss:
Her name starts with F. She chose the name Felicity.
This is my middle child, known here as Lass:
She chose the name Perpetua.
And finally, my youngest, Sis:
She didn’t choose a name, but the older girls picked one for her. She would have been Natalia.
Interestingly (to me at least), I gave the older girls each several names to choose from. Some were saints’ names, some weren’t. I did not steer them one way or another. They each immediately chose the names they wanted.
Incidentally, I knew that Saint Perpetua is a saint when Lass chose it. I did not know that Saint Felicity is also. The day after I let them pick their names, I happened upon a page about Saints Perpetua and Felicity in one of our saint books and learned that they are often mentioned together because they were martyred together. Weird.
7.
Anyway. Wasn’t that a fun exercise in totally over-analyzing an issue and ending up right back where I started with it?
The last point I would like to make is that my above reasoning and choices are in no way intended to imply that I think the way anyone else does it is wrong. I don’t feel comfortable using my girls’ real names on my blog. But that doesn’t mean that I think someone else is wrong if they do.
Go here for more quick takes.
