Because No Good Birthday Celebration is Complete Without a Little Vomit at the End

Posted on August 25, 2012August 25, 2012 by Amy

Yesterday we had a wonderful celebration at home for Lass’s birthday. She started the day a bit less enthused than she was when we had her little party at my sister-in-law’s house. That day she was telling everyone excitedly all day that it was her birthday party and she was going to blow out her candles. On her actual birthday she woke up in a mood, and when I went to get her up and told her “Happy Birthday,” she frowned and said, “No I NOT!” She did this all morning, complete with her exaggerated mad face (and sometimes the statement “I mad!”) and dramatic crossing of her arms over her chest. Though I was wishing she was more happy about her birthday, it was quite adorable.

After her nap and by the time my husband got home she was a bit more cheerful and excited for her day. The girls helped make dinner and we had ice cream sundaes for dessert, with a candle and singing of course.

Princesses were plentiful in her gifts, mostly Cinderella of course. She got a beautiful new Cinderella dress complete with glass slippers and was in heaven dancing around in it, posing to see her reflection.

She also got a new set of mini-princesses, just like the Cinderella she carries around all the time. She got Cinderella, Ariel, and Snow White, in wedding dresses, with their princes. The new Cinderella was introduced to the old Cinderella and there was some kissing.

She likes the new Cinderella.

But my girl is nothing if not loyal. The old Cinderella, whose dress is totally missing its skirt now, is still ever present in her left hand.

Sis enjoyed watching all the festivities and laughed at her sisters playing.

The birthday was a wonderful success, right up until the very end. Just as I was getting ready to take Sis upstairs to put her to bed, Lass threw up all over her new dress and the kitchen floor. Chaos ensued briefly, but we managed to get Lass a bath and all three girls to bed fairly quickly after that. The birthday girl did sleep all night, though she woke up still feeling pretty yucky this morning.

We had a jammie day and watched movies.

She perked up a little bit before lunch.

We had a picnic dinner while watching Sleeping Beauty before bed. You can see she’s feeling much better.

I think we may have found a new family movie night tradition… Off to get ice cream. Good night.

A Birthday Preview

Posted on August 20, 2012 by Amy

Somebody turns two on Friday.

We had a little birthday party for her with my husband’s family while visiting with them this past weekend. She was so excited, walking around all day leading up to the party telling everyone, “It my buh-day pahdy!”

She wasn’t quite sure what to make of it when everyone sang “Happy Birthday” to her, and she was a little hesitant at first about blowing out her candle. But once she figured out what she was supposed to do she got it done and looked very proud of herself.

She had been waiting all day for this…

Miss got a big laugh out of the chocolate on her face.

I was a little nervous about how Miss would do in the face of seeing her sister get all kinds of cool presents when she wasn’t getting any for herself. She’s in a “scream first, think later” phase right now, so I thought she might totally melt down. Happily, she did not. She did have a few moments of jumping around with “Ooh, I want that, I want that, can I have one of those?” but listened well when I explained things to her and didn’t scream or otherwise throw a fit.

I think she really was excited for her sister, and Lass shared her new loot quite nicely. Sisters rock.

Even with all the gifts, this thing was the big hit of the evening.

Lass’s actual birthday is on Friday. We will do lots of fun stuff and have a small party just with our family in the evening. Instead of cake they’ll get to make their own ice cream sundaes. I’m so excited. I love when my girls have birthdays. I love to see their excitement and joy. Of course I also get all nostalgic and marvel at how big they’re getting and how all of their baby days seem to have flown by. And I say it, every time, “I can’t believe she’s __!” I can’t believe she’s almost two.

Motherhood is a Profession

Posted on August 6, 2012August 13, 2015 by Amy

I’ve been struggling lately with a big issue. Since shortly after Miss was born, I have worked as a forensic psychological consultant. I have considered myself to be incredibly lucky to have secured this position. Basically, I’m a small business owner. I do consulting work for a company that has a contract to perform competency to stand trial evaluations. I get referrals from this company. I set up an appointment at my convenience to go to the jail and complete the evaluation. It only takes a couple of hours. Then I write my report from home, usually during nap time or after the girls have gone to bed. Occasionally I have to testify in a case (this is my favorite part). It always seemed so perfect, because I never worked a ton. Maybe one or two, sometimes three evaluations per month. I could stay home essentially full time with my kids and still get an opportunity to do some of the work I spent so many years in school to be qualified to do.

For a little while before and a few months after Sis was born I took a self-determined maternity leave. Now that I am back to working, my work load has drastically increased, and I’m getting lots of cases in other counties. In the past month or so I’ve done seven evaluations in jails that are at least an hour drive away. This has led to lots of time away from my girls.

Last Tuesday I didn’t get home until 6:30. I had spent most of the morning working on reports and then had a long drive for a long evaluation. On the way home I had this awful pit in my stomach, knowing that I would miss dinner and not have much time with the girls before bed time. I had to watch my speedometer very carefully during the hour-and-a-half-long drive home that evening. My mind and heart were protesting being away from my little girls and aching to get home, and my body was responding, pretty much involuntarily, with my foot repeatedly pressing down harder on my accelerator.

I got home and felt like I had barely seen my girls all day. It was awful.

I did let Miss stay up a little bit late to watch Olympic gymnastics that night.

But I still felt like crap at the end of that day.

So. Here I am tonight, having just finished up and sent off another report (my third this weekend). I haven’t done a blog post in a week. Because I’ve been spending pretty much every nap time and bed time working. And I don’t really even enjoy the work anymore. Work is no longer what’s important to me.

I used to find psychology to be so fascinating and I loved the challenges that my job presents. Now? Meh. Psychology and evaluating criminals is no longer what I find fascinating. This is:

Being a psychologist is part of my identity, and has been for almost ten years. But. Though it is a newer facet of my identity, being a mom way trumps being a psychologist. Way.

A few weeks ago I seriously started to consider leaving my consultant position. I felt very guilty about it. Some of my guilty thoughts:

But I spent so many years training to be a psychologist.

But I used to love my job.

But I should feel so fortunate to have a position like this.

I thought about how I would feel to not be a psychologist anymore. I wondered if I would feel sad. Or lost. Or, somehow, less. I knew I was not happy spending so much time away from my girls these past few months, but I kept thinking I should ride it out. I shouldn’t give up this amazing work opportunity. I should keep this job so I can maintain my professional skills.

Then Tuesday happened and I was sick with missing my kids and I thought, “For what?” All these shoulds, and no real good reason for them. I once thought I needed to keep my skills so that I can go back to working more when my kids are in school. Except I’m going to homeschool them.

So I came up with a few more shoulds that make more sense to me.

I should take advantage of the opportunity I have to stay home with my girls and be present and happy with them.

I should remember that being a mom is a full time job, and it’s okay to have only one of those.

I should soak in all the wonderfulness that is these little beings that I am privileged to call mine.

I should take back nap time and bed time. Seriously. Any mama of preschoolers/toddlers/babies knows that you can’t give up all of these for long without going totally nuts.

Yes, I should. So I’m going to. After much discussion with my husband, my mom, and a good friend, I’ve decided I am going to leave my job. Right now my priority is my family. A little bit of work now and then was okay. A lot of work is not (and in case you’re wondering, I have basically been told that I cannot decline referrals unless I’m out of town). I am going to stop worrying about going to work and focus on doing the work of raising my kids. I might be a little sad to not have my professional identity anymore. But I have other things I’m going to focus on in my free time (more on that later). And I’ll still technically be a psychologist. I’ll always keep my license current. Nothing says that I can’t go back to it someday if I want to.

The bottom line is this: I am a mom and my profession is Motherhood. I prefer the title of “Mama” to “Dr.” any day.

What I Loved This Weekend

Posted on July 30, 2012 by Amy

I’ve been loving lots of things this weekend.

– Family time watching, and explaining, the Olympics.

It was nice, even though Miss repeatedly asked to watch something else. “I don’t really like this sports,” she’d say, making a bid for “Super Why!” or “Sesame Street.” She did get into watching fencing a bit though.

– Pool time yesterday morning. I’m so bummed that almost all of my photos were extremely over-exposed. Most of them were even worse than this:

I guess my favorite lens isn’t so great for sunny day at the pool photos.

We did have a great time.

Pool time is always capped off with an ice cream picnic on a towel.

– Somebody is four months old.

She’s been working hard on rolling over. She managed to go from her belly to her back a few days ago.

Today she mastered getting from her back to her belly. We were in the midst of lunch preparation craziness when Lass looked over to where Sis was lying on the floor and said, “Sissy-Girl woll ovuh!” Yes, that’s right. The first time she accomplished this milestone we missed it. I turned to look at her and there she was on her tummy, head up and looking at all of us expectantly. Of course once Lass pointed it out, we all cheered and whooped it up appropriately. I don’t think she minded the slight delay.

I don’t know how in the world four months have gone by already. Here’s to a beautiful weekend. Hope you had one too.

Never Say Never – Thoughts on Homeschooling

Posted on July 10, 2012November 14, 2014 by Amy

Well. I never thought I would be writing this post. Though I suppose I should know by now that I ought not say I will never do something as a parent if I don’t know a whole lot about what that thing is. That thing in this case is homeschooling.

I have historically had the typical concerns about homeschooling. “Don’t homeschooled kids miss out so much on school experiences?” “How can they be socialized?” And so forth. My husband has at times suggested that we consider homeschooling, but I have resisted for these reasons. Then recently I had a conversation with one of my brothers in law and his wife. She is a teacher in 6th grade and he was telling me about what wonderful experiences she has had with homeschooled kids when they come into traditional school. The conversation went on from there, and I’ll spare you the details, but it started me thinking. And asking. And reading. And it turns out homeschool is way more than I thought it was.

So, what really prompted me to think I might want to homeschool our kids? This:

We watched lots of princess movies with Grandma, which sparked some awesome pretending.

And lots of other stuff I have posted about in the past few weeks as we have been traveling. The photos in this post are from some of the other fun experiences (in addition to those I’ve already written about) my girls had while visiting my parents. See, we don’t have any family living near us. The closest family member is about a five and a half hour drive away, which is a little far for frequent weekend trips, and my parents live 10 hours from us.

My girls get so much from visiting with our families. They get experiences at my parents’ house and at the Farm and in Iowa that could never be matched by the experiences they would get in a conventional school. Not even close. My husband is fortunate to have quite a bit of time off from his job, which allows us to visit the people we love. The people my girls need to know and make memories with. So, we travel. But traditional schooling would put an abrupt stop to that as soon as Miss begins kindergarten. The more I think about it, I’m just not willing to trade in the flexibility to travel and let my girls know their heritage, and all the other things they can and do learn from our trips, for conventional schooling. I would if I thought that traditional school offered something truly valuable that they couldn’t get through homeschooling. I used to think that it did. But I’m learning that that’s not the case.

Don’t get me wrong. I have absolutely nothing against traditional schools. I’m not saying that homeschooling is necessarily better than regular schools. I’m just saying that I have begun to realize that it is better for us. I contacted another blogging mom, Katrina from They All Call Me Mom, to ask her about her experiences with homeschooling her kids (she has nine). She was so helpful and gave me some great tips.

In fact, everyone I have contacted with questions about homeschooling has been exceptionally warm and kind and informative. I have been able to find some local groups that I think will fit with the type of homeschooling I would like to do. I’m reading some good books (right now I’m really enjoying “The Well-Adjusted Child: The Social Benefits of Homeschooling” by Rachel Gathercole). Essentially, I have reached the point where I feel confident that when the time comes for Miss to start Kindergarten, she’ll stay home with me instead. It’s pretty exciting, actually.

I have a lot to learn. And a lot to teach. But that’s what moms do all day every day anyway, right?

Memories in a Box

Posted on July 9, 2012 by Amy

When I was a little girl I loved to go to my Grandma’s house. She had a jewelry box full of costume jewelry that she let me play with to my heart’s content. I would go back to her bedroom and put the jewelry box on her big bed. I’d drape myself in her jewels all afternoon. She had long necklace strands with funky beads, tons of bangle bracelets, brooches, and clip-on earrings, essential for my very young and at that time un-pierced ears. I have many memories of these adventures. And I don’t remember this, but one story goes that, as a tiny tot, I once placed all of my Grandma’s necklaces on at one time and somehow fell over, calling out in my little voice, “Help! Help!” because I could not get back up.

My Grandma passed away about two and a half years ago. This past week, my Mom gave me her jewelry box with her costume jewelry in it. Oh heaven! Now, I was a little sad because it wasn’t the same box, and much of the jewelry I played with wasn’t there anymore. I had had visions of opening my Grandma’s white jewelry box to find all the fun beaded strands I had played with in the late 70s and early 80s. I guess Grandma got some new stuff since then. The new box is dark-stained wood. But happily, a few of the pieces I remember playing with were still there and some other items I remember seeing her wear, even if I didn’t play with them. It was magical to watch my girls’ faces light up as they explored this treasure trove.

They both loved to see themselves all decked out. Lass repeatedly said, “I go wook in miweh (look in mirror)” and “Sissy, wook miweh too, huh? Come on!”

They were princesses in their finery. Then Miss decided they needed to be “scullery maids” (we had been watching Snow White). So she changed into her “raggy jewelry” for cleaning house and she and Lass went to town.

Oops.

Anybody remember these?

Those old Fisher Price toys were the other thing I used to play with at my Grandma’s house. The “Mommy” with the blue body and yellow hair was a toy I used to love to carry around with me all the time. Sort of like how my middle child has to carry around her “Wedda” (Cinderella) doll at all times and always in her left hand (check the photos above, she’s always there). My girls weren’t into the little people like they were the jewelry. Miss said, “Oh, cool people!” and then went back to playing with her princesses. Oh well.

We’re home now, trying to get back into the swing of things after yet another week of travel. We’ve been on the road a lot the past few weeks to be with family. I am thinking about my grandmas, and my husband’s grandma, and my girls’ grandmas. Grandmas are just special. I have always loved and appreciated my grandmas, but I find myself cherishing them more now that I have children. I wish my girls would know my grandparents the way I did. I know I can’t make that happen (though I try with visits as much as possible), but that makes it all the more important to me that they will have wonderful special relationships with their grandparents. So we travel. We get sleep deprived from driving late into the night and sleeping in cramped quarters. We rack up the miles on my vehicle. We get flat tires that my poor husband has to change at 11:00 at night. But you’d better believe my girls will have amazing memories. Someday they might have a special item that brings those memories flooding back, like the box of my Grandma’s jewelry. Definitely, they will know the specialness of their grandparents. And that makes it all so worth it.

A Reunion

Posted on July 3, 2012 by Amy

I love family reunions. Especially reunions where all the generations are represented in force. We had one of those yesterday at my parent’s house. My Grandma was here.

One of the very fun things about our family reunions on my Dad’s side of the family is that they are quite extended. And because my Grandma and her sister married my Papa and his brother, and my Grandma’s family and Papa’s family (meaning their siblings) all grew up together, we get reunions with great aunts and great uncles from all over the place. My Grandma’s sister and two of her brothers were here with many members of their families, as well as my Papa’s sister and one of her daughters. I’m not sure if these are my second cousins or third or fourth, but it was wonderful to see and visit with them.

I love watching the interactions amongst family members who have known and loved each other for decades and yet rarely get to see each other. There were elderly siblings. There were in-laws who are a link to a beloved but deceased family member. There were nearly as many family members here from my Grandma’s generation as from my girls’ (six and eight, respectively). There was lots of reminiscing and catching up. There were plenty of long, good-squeezing hugs too.

My cousins were here and we saw lots of photos that my Papa took in the 1960s and 70s and 80s. He was quite the photographer.

Speaking of photography, I really wanted to get a good photo of my girls and my brother’s kids (who were the only kids at the party) with my Grandma. This was easier said than done, mostly because poor Lass was not interested in posing for this photo. She tried to run away. She screamed and cried. She was desperately in need of a nap.

Of all the pics snapped, my husband managed to get this not-too-bad shot of all the kids with my Gram.

Yes, my girls are all dressed alike. I can’t help myself.

My Grandma went home today, so unfortunately our visit was a bit short. We had a chat last night. I asked her what project she is currently working on. She told me that she had been working on Lass’s quilt (each of her grandchildren gets a personalized quilt; you can see Miss’s here), and had gotten it all ready to put together and finish when she realized that her clothes were not quite right for her trip here for the reunion, so she had to make some more clothes and adjust the fit on some others (yes, my Grandma makes all her own clothes, including the outfit you see her wearing in the above photos!). And then she’s been working on a military quilt, which will be sent to a military hospital when she’s finished. She’s also been working on afghans for a girls shelter and lap afghans for the veterans at a hospital near her. I’m sure there’s at least one thing I’m forgetting too. It makes me tired just thinking about all that. She is never idle. I love that about her. I think of all the stuff she is constantly doing, and then I am inspired to do more myself.

Getting lots of family time this week. It’s so good for my girls. And it’s good for my soul.

She Called Them “Little Lambs”

Posted on June 16, 2012 by Amy

For the past two days we have been busy celebrating the life of my husband’s beautiful grandmother and saying goodbye to her. I am sitting here struggling for the words to adequately describe the emotions I have been feeling. My heart aches for my husband and his loss. I also have my own grief for a woman who was so accepting and loving towards me from the moment I met her. And I am sad that my girls will not have the chance to grow up knowing their great-grandmother. But sorrow and grief do not fully describe my feelings. Yes, I absolutely feel sad. But at the same time, I feel kind of, strangely, uplifted by the past two days. The fact is, it is awe inspiring to reflect on the life of someone so accomplished, graceful, and kind. It is, yes, amazing to see how much this one woman was loved by her family, friends, and community. There was much reminiscing. There were moments of laughter. There was singing that was simultaneously sorrowful and joyous. There were beautiful moments. Bittersweet moments. Tender moments. There were a few moments that I, as a mother, will never forget.

Like when Miss happened to notice the open casket at the visitation last night. She walked right up to it with such innocent curiosity. Naturally she had many questions. We had a conversation that went something like this:

Miss: “Mama, why is she lying on that pillow?”

Me: “Because she died…”

Miss: “Why?”

Me: “She was very old and had lived a very long life, and sometimes when people get very very old like that, their body doesn’t work as well and they die.”

Miss: “She can’t breathe anymore, right?”

Me: “Right.”

Miss: “That’s just like Tessa.” (our dog who died about a year ago)

Me: “That’s right Honey.”

Miss: “Mama, why is she in that box?”

Me: “So that her family and friends could have a chance to tell her how much they loved her and say goodbye. Would you like to tell her you loved her and say goodbye to her?”

And she did.

A little while later Miss returned to look at her great-grandma some more. Lass came over as well, and so did my husband. He picked up Lass and asked her if she wanted to say goodbye to her great-grandma. She waved and said, “Buh-bye Gamma.” He asked her if she wanted to tell her great-grandma “I love you.” She said, “I yuh you Gamma.” It was a truly precious moment.

My husband’s grandmother used to call her grandchildren her “Little Lambs.” I’ve heard her use this term of endearment with my girls. I couldn’t help but think of this when I saw my girls’ pure innocence while trying to understand her death. Amidst all the grief and sadness, there was beauty and life. My husband’s grandmother lives on through my girls and the rest of her family. I think that everyone who was a part of the tribute paid to her in the past two days will at some point have to stop and think, “How can I be more like her?” She was that inspiring. This one woman accomplished so much in her lifetime, including starting and keeping together this family:

80 people directly descended from her or married to someone who is. She held her family together across many years and miles. She was small, yet mighty. She was so much to so many. She was loved. She will be missed.

Fashion Shows and Fishing

Posted on June 4, 2012 by Amy

The title of this post really sums up the variety of things the girls have to do when we go to the farm. The last post showed a good selection of their activities, as well. It just seems never-ending. One day early in the week I came out of our room after feeding and changing Sis to find this:

You can’t see much of them here, but she paraded around in these big gold flats calling them her “dancing shoes.”

The girls and their “Baba” (my mother-in-law) had gotten into the dress up basket and they were in heaven. Miss switched between several different outfits, but Lass found the one she liked and didn’t vary from it. They were both princesses ready to go to the ball. We all got dressed up and danced and twirled. They selected my outfit.

Yes, we all got dressed up.

Sis gave her opinions on our outfits and dancing techniques.

She is very chatty these days.

I think it was Tuesday that the girls discovered the dress up clothes, and from that point on, each morning when they woke up the first thing Lass did was ask for “dress up!” and “pincy!” (princess). She spent much of the rest of our time there in that pink leotard. In fact she often had a mini fit when I took it off her to change her diaper of get her dressed. The one thing she was always willing to take it off for though was to go and play outside. We had lots of fun exploring the Farm on the Ranger.

We took a long ride one day and ended up on a dirt road where there were two very old houses that had mostly collapsed. I pointed them out to Miss and she was fascinated by them. She kept talking about the houses that had fallen down and how someone should have taken better care of them and maybe we should go and fix them.

Stopping for a snack in the shade.

Of course after our ride it was time to go fishing. Miss had been talking about fishing with her Daddy for weeks before this trip. She caught some bluegills, which she called “blue jays” when I asked her what kind she had caught.

Lass loved to sit by the pond and throw rocks in the water while her sister was fishing.

We had a jammy day one day when it was cold and rainy out. The weather was great for fishing so my husband and two nephews went out on the boat and ended up bringing home dinner. Lots of walleye. The girls were quite intrigued by the process of filleting the fish.

Notice Lass’s outfit.

The girls’ cousin showed him the walleye’s teeth.

My girls always seem to grow and learn so much after a week of travel, either to the farm or visiting my family, or wherever we go. Lass’s vocabulary seems to triple and Miss’s use of subtleties of language improves noticeably. She even learns things like, “I’m going to kick you in the weenie!” from her older boy cousins, which of course prompts a conversation about what a weenie is and why we don’t say that or do that. But that could be another whole post, I suppose.

I love to watch my girls blossom at the farm.

A Weekend in Photos

Posted on May 30, 2012 by Amy

We are doing it up right this week, here at the Farm. The weekend was hot and sunny and beautiful and perfect for little girls to have fun outside with cousins and aunts and uncles.