Food for my Soul

As I mentioned in Friday’s post, I love this time of year and enjoy taking time to reflect on the year gone by. So, I’ve been thinking about how much I learned in 2013. The year was full of plenty of deep, soul-shifting realizations and searching. I’ve realized a lot about myself, my spirit, my heart. I’ve discovered a lot about God and the Church too, much of it life-changing for me. I’m pondering these new insights and savoring them this week.

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And I’ve also been thinking about some of the little things I’ve learned. Small facts about history and Christian faith. I enjoy thinking about these because it’s funny to me just how much I didn’t know. And humbling how much I still have to learn.

Just this week I learned a new fact when reading 150 Bible Verses Every Catholic Should Know. The author mentions the father of John the Apostle, Zebedee. I had to go back and read again, because I was shocked that his dad wasn’t Zechariah! I always thought that John the Apostle and John the Baptist were one and the same. Even after reading again I still wanted to check the information, so I asked my husband. Of course, he confirmed that they were two different people. Huh.

I don’t know why I thought they were the same. Simple mistake I suppose.

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I’ve also learned some very elementary, essential, how-did-I-not-know-that? Christian information as well in the past four months.

For example, during one of my very first RCIA classes we split up into groups to discuss the readings for the week. When we got to the Gospel reading everyone started talking about “Gospel this” and “The Gospels that.”

Then there’s me: “Um, I have a question. What are the Gospels?”

Them: “Matthew, Mark, Luke, John.”

Me: “Okay thanks. But uh, what are they?”

I actually didn’t know why they are important. Now I do. So you can see that I really started at the beginning when RCIA began.

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In the past few months I have sometimes wondered if some of the other folks in my RCIA class are amused when we do exercises in finding Bible verses and our instructor makes comments like “This is good practice for learning how to use your Bibles.” Most of the people in the class are Lutheran converts who are probably already know the Bible quite well. Me? Well, not so much. I did read the Bible some when I was younger and had a basic understanding of how to find things in it even before beginning RCIA, but that’s about it.

One time in RCIA when we were doing one of these exercises in looking up verses relevant to the lesson of the week, I was discussing these with my sponsor (who is just delightful, by the way) and we came across a passage mentioning the Ark of the Covenant. She began talking animatedly about the Ark of the Covenant, and I just drew a blank. I didn’t want to ask, because it seemed like a very basic thing that I ought to know, right? But I didn’t (know). So I did (ask). “Soooo, what exactly is the Ark of the Covenant?” If you don’t ask you don’t learn, I say. Now I know.

Just yesterday I Googled “What does Hosanna mean?” I always thought it was just a girl’s name, but since we sing it in a song every week during Mass I knew it had to be something else. Exclamation “used to express adoration, praise, or joy.” I love that.

I never knew that “Immaculate Conception” refers to Mary’s conception, not that of Jesus.

I could go on and on with examples of the little tidbits I’ve been learning. Small (and big) things that I’ve never thought about before. Just in three Bible study meetings I’ve learned a ton about the Mass.

And the wonderful thing is that I am finding this stuff fascinating. It’s like food for my soul and I can’t get enough of it.

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I’m going to classes/meetings, reading, Googling, asking. With every piece of information that I come across and don’t understand, I want to find out. I’m thinking about things in new ways and it feels good.

I imagine myself a year ago and am kind of blown away. What a difference a year makes.

Seven Quick Takes New Year’s Edition

Linking up with Conversion Diary.

2013 was an interesting year here. We had some rough experiences. We had lots of changes, some good, some bad, some amazing. I think I will remember 2013 as a year of change and challenge.

I’m eagerly looking forward to 2014. I don’t make New Year’s resolutions as such, but I do like to think about the past year and the upcoming year. The good, the bad, what I want to modify, what I want to accomplish. I like to look forward to the new year and make goals. Here are a few of mine for 2014 (well, seven to be exact):

1. I haven’t completed any sort of race or other fitness event since running the Disney World Marathon six years ago. I am not sure which event I will do yet, but I will be training and getting back out there for some sort of race/event in 2014 (one thing I am sure of, it will not be a full marathon).

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2. Currently, I can do two unassisted pull-ups (unassisted meaning without a resistance band), and eight straight-body (not on my knees) pushups, and I can back squat 135 pounds. By the end of the year my goal is to be able to do ten pull-ups, twenty pushups, and to back squat 185 pounds.

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3. I read somewhere around 43 books in 2013. I really don’t need to make a goal to read more. Actually, I probably should make goals to read less and get more other things done in my free time. But that’s not going to happen.

With that in mind, here are some books on my “To-Read” list for 2014:

Catholicism for Dummies – I’m almost halfway through this one.

Divergent – I have a secret love of teen dystopian novels (Hunger Games, anyone?).

10 Gifts of Wisdom: What Every Child Must Know Before They Leave Home

Wool – My husband finished this audiobook recently. It sounds interesting, and when possible, I like reading the same things my husband has read/listened to so we can discuss. We’ve been talking about Screwtape Letters a lot recently, and I really enjoy our conversations (not that I expect this book to be on par with Screwtape, but maybe still fun to talk about)

The Sun Also Rises – This was on my Summer Reading List and I forgot about it. I’ll get to it this year.

Something Other Than God: How I Passionately Sought Happiness and Accidentally Found It – You know how much I enjoy Jennifer Fulwiler’s blog. I’m giddy about her upcoming book.

Ten Ways to Destroy the Imagination of Your Child

He Leadeth Me – Another one from the summer list that I forgot to read.

Things Pondered – I just saw a link to a ton of free Kindle books by this author. This one in particular is interesting to me, but I nabbed all of the free ones and hope to read them all this year.

That’s just a start. I also intend to start reading my Bible more this year now that I’m almost finished with 150 Bible Verses Every Catholic Should Know.

4. I will work on experimenting and using different settings of my camera. I almost always shoot in the “P” mode of my camera, which controls everything but the flash for me. I need to start learning how to shoot in the “A,” “S,” and “M” modes.

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At least once a week I’ll be experimenting with different camera settings, lighting, etc. I have tried reading books. I’ve tried taking a class. I need to just do different things with my camera if I really want to learn.

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5. I need to pick a Kindergarten curriculum (!!) I also really need to work on being more organized in my homeschool planning and scheduling. I haven’t yet found a system that I’m comfortable with. Suggestions would be welcome.

6. I’m instituting a Family Game Night. We had our first one tonight. I saw the game Cootie on Amazon the other day and remembered how much I loved playing it as a kid. I ordered it.

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What was I thinking? It is not fun. But we have lots of other games too, and I think Super Friend has a bajilllion games for her kids, so I’ll ask her for some recommendations as well.

Unfortunately, I suspect my kids will be choosing Cootie as our game for a while.

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7. I will be getting back into some cooking adventures. My husband and I used to have fun doing a little version of the Food Network show “Chopped” at home (I even have a whole category in the “Topics” drop-down dedicated to this). Then last year he got me some great books and I started some other fun cooking projects.

I cooked lots of egg recipes one week.

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^^Homemade mayo

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^^ Shirred eggs (yeah, I didn’t know what that was either) with cream and parmesan-reggiano

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^^ Souffle !!

Another week I did Spanish dishes.

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I like doing things to make food prep fun, but I’ve gotten away from doing this for a while and have been in a cooking rut (mini meatloaves, lettuce wrap tacos, chicken with mustard/maple sauce, repeat).

So. Back to fun stuff. My husband got me some gorgeous cookbooks for Christmas. Italian and French. I’m going to get closer to my roots and go Italian first. Then I think I’m going to go in depth with onions. Then French. Then, who knows? Sunday I’ll be making gnocchi in tomato butter sauce from scratch. Yum.

I love the feeling of beginning a new year. Reflecting and anticipating. 2014 is gonna to be good.

What are your goals for 2014?

See more quick takes here. Happy New Year!

Most Post 2013

As the year is coming to a close, I’ve decided to join in with some other bloggers to do a “Most Post.” This idea comes from Sarah at Amongst Lovely Things. Check out her post here to see hers and others’ posts about their “Mosts” of 2013.

Okay, so what the heck am I talking about here? Sarah has posted, and encouraged others to do the same, about some of her blog posts from the year 2013 that fall into the following categories:

  • Post with the Most Clicks
  • Post with the Most Comments
  • Post with the Best Picture
  • Post that was the Hardest to Write
  • Post that was Your Personal Favorite

I thought it would be fun to look back over the year and see/think about which of my posts fall into these categories (Please note that I’m in the process of switching my blog to a new hosting company, so if you click on any of the links below and the photos in older posts are not displaying, that’s why. Sorry). Here they are:

Most Clicks: Summer “Bucket List” – 50 Summer Activities for Kids. All of my top posts for traffic are those that have been pinned a lot. Oddly, the most-clicked-non-pinned post was A Wrestling Meet, a Birthday, Some Great-Grandparents, and Disney World. I have no idea why this post got so much traffic, unless it’s because I linked to it from the Snow White Birthday Party on the Cheap post, which was #2 in number of clicks.

Most Comments: I Am a Yoga Pants Wearing Mom This post really seemed to strike a chord with many people. I got lots of “Yes, me too!” comments as well as a few “You are a sloth” comments (on BlogHer where it was a featured post).

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Best Picture: There are so many, I am having a hard time picking one (plus I can’t see half of them in the posts). I think I have to choose one from Baptisms, though the photos for that post aren’t fully transferred yet so they’re not showing up in the original. It’s this photo:

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Another favorite from Farewell to Summer (which also isn’t showing photos yet) is this one:

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Hardest to Write: Lost My Religion, Finding My Faith I felt very awkward with this, my first foray into writing about spirituality in general and my own religious beliefs in particular. I’m glad I wrote it though. It’s interesting for me to go back and re-read it, and consider myself at that stage relative to where I am now.

My Personal Favorite: I had a hard time choosing just one. I thought about So Um, This is the Bible…. Then I thought maybe Still Dirty, Still Weird, Still Fun, because that was my favorite post to write. I also considered Two Stories About Opossums. I like these posts, because they’re ones in which I poke fun at myself. But ultimately I’m choosing On Bread and Wine. Bear With Me Please. as my favorite.

2013 has been an interesting, sometimes tough, and wonderful year!

 

Bumpy Christmas

Merry Christmas! Our day was wonderful and joyful and kind of rocky. I always like to imagine that our holidays will be Hallmark perfect, with everyone happily playing and rejoicing and enjoying each other. We had some of that, but some of the not-so-perfect stuff too. It was kind of a bumpy Christmas.

As promised, baby Jesus:

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I enjoyed playing Santa last night. My husband enjoyed that I didn’t buy anything with “some assembly required” this year.

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This morning, ready to go…

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Trying to eat the big guys’s leftovers:

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Toy packaging is absurd.

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The girls each got a nutcracker and were thrilled with them.

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We have princesses…

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Miss loved her little wooden Saint Cecilia doll:

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Sis got a baby doll, and her favorite thing from the box was the spoon. “Poon! Poon!” She’s sleeping with it as I type this.

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She also wanted to constantly play with “Baby Cheesis.”

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Miss loved her fairies and her Elsa and Jasmine dolls. But she refused to take them out of the boxes and played with her sister’s new dolls instead.

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We had a lovely, soft snowfall all morning.

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It was all so idyllic. Until about 10:30 am.

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Lass randomly threw a rubber ducky (of all things) into the air and hit Miss in the eye. In spite of her Daddy being able to find and retrieve a small speck of something from her eye and then flushing it with water, she still could barely open it and complained of pain for quite a while.

She ended up taking a trip to the emergency room with her Dad to have it checked out. Can I just take a moment to comment on how hard it is to stay at home while your child goes to the ER? My husband is a medical professional, and knows the ER doctors, so it made more sense for him to take her. And there was no way we were getting a babysitter on Christmas. So. I stayed home with Sis and Lass, who bawled because her sister had to leave her, and I fretted for the entire time that my girl was gone.

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Of course she was in good hands, and she got the royal treatment at the hospital. Poor girl has a corneal abrasion.

The rest of the day was kind of a wash. We put on Christmas movies all evening to distract her from the pain, and to distract all of them from the fact that my prime rib dinner took forever to finish cooking, so we didn’t eat dinner until more than an hour after our usual dinner time.

But. Dinner was delicious. My biggest girl is now snoozing peacefully after her Daddy snuggled her until she fell asleep. I’m staring at a big mess of wrapping bags and presents strewn about my floor around the tree, and I’m not cleaning it up. I have a glass of wine and some time with my hubby.

In spite of the bumps, it was a great day. It was a beautiful mess of a day. This Christmas season has been extra special for me. I’ve spent a lot of time today thinking about what Christmas means to me now. I have so much to be grateful for.

I hope you had a joyful Christmas too (minus the bumps).

Random Christmas Catch-Up

I haven’t felt like writing much this past week. I guess I’ve just been savoring Christmas time.

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I think this post will likely end up being a jumble of thoughts on our Christmas-ing thus far. Such as: I’m thankful we got to spend time with extended family this past weekend, in spite of the nasty weather for traveling. My girls love seeing their cousins.

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Cousins and aunts and uncles are an essential part of Christmas. I remember Christmas gatherings with my cousins when I was little.

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That’s me, front and center. ^^ In the red suit (??). Weird, but I really, really loved that red suit.

I have to admit, there is a part of me that longs to hunker down, snuggle in, and stay home during Christmas. But I would absolutely never take away these cousin times from my girls. We make a point to visit and spend time with family all year, but there’s something special about the memories of Christmas with tons of family members around.

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In other random holiday news:

Tonight I will go to my first ever Christmas Eve mass. I’ve never been to church at Christmas. Even though it will be packed and we will have to wrestle Sis throughout the service since the nursery won’t be open, I am really looking forward to it.

My Mother-in-law gave me the coolest gift this year. I don’t even really know what to call it,

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but it is delightful. It has the figures of the Nativity on it, and the heat from the candles makes it spin. We lit it up on Sunday after we lit our four Advent candles. I think in the future we’ll do it along with our Advent wreath each week. It spins faster the more candles are lit! It will be a new tradition.

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We made a crazy amount of Christmas cookies last week to take and share with family over the weekend.

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^^Miss wanted to make a baby Jesus cookie for everyone in the family. 

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I am thankful that we have plenty leftover. I had made a random and stupid comment to the girls that if we ran out we could just make more to put out for Santa on Christmas Eve. I’m really glad we don’t need to make more.

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I love time in the kitchen with my girls, but decorating cookies is not my favorite holiday tradition. I would have liked it better if we didn’t have so many cookies to decorate so late at night, I think. Note to self for next year.

I still have to make a baby Jesus doll to put in our manger under the tree in the morning. I was going to buy one, but they are expensive!! The girls are very interested in the fact that I’m making one.

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Try to share my vision. I swear it will be a baby Jesus by tonight.

We’ve been filling our manger (also homemade, just a wooden box that I painted brown) with a piece of “hay” (raffia) for each kind gesture the girls make. They get excited to see how soft the bed is that they’re making for baby Jesus.

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Except for my procrastination on making the baby Jesus, which I’ll do after the girls go to bed tonight, I’m ready for Christmas. The presents are wrapped. Dinner is planned and will be relatively easy. I’m all set to make creamed eggs for breakfast. I’m excited to just enjoy my husband and girls tonight and tomorrow. Merry Christmas!

I Have Bangs

I have been wanting to make a change to my hair lately. It’s been on my mind, and then when we were at my parents’ house last week Miss saw a 20-year-old photo of me and exclaimed, “Oh! You look so beautiful!” She especially seemed to like my hair.

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How did you get your hair like that???” It was a bit hard to explain, because she didn’t quite understand the concept of a three-year-old perm. Her questions got me pondering a change more seriously.

Other than a few (very) brief ventures into “different” hair,

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my hair has been the same since I was 16.

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I’m only wearing that sweatshirt ^^ because I lost a bet.

So this past week I decided it was time to get my hair cut and try something different again. I asked Miss how she wanted me to get it cut and she said “Short!” I told her I hadn’t had very good luck with short hair, so I probably wouldn’t be doing that any time soon (ever, ever, ever).

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But I did decide I wanted to try bangs again. I haven’t had bangs since about 1991 (the top photo in this post was taken around then). Well, except for one reaaaalllly bad attempt at reaaalllly short hair in college, around 1995. Thank goodness I have no photos of that horror.

So. 2013. I have bangs.

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I like the change. It satisfied my urge for something different (it’s nice to get a haircut and give some directions to the hairdresser beyond, “Just cut off a few inches”), but not too crazy.

Best of all, when I came home from the salon and asked Miss if she liked my haircut, her face lit up and she nodded enthusiastically, “Yes!!” Love that girl 🙂

Joy to the World

I love Christmas carols. Love them. I am nearly incapable of doing something Christmas-related without turning on my favorite holiday tunes. In fact, when I was wrapping gifts the other night, my husband was listening to some (quite lovely) classical music. It just didn’t feel right. So I grabbed my phone, plugged in my ear buds and started jamming to “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas.”

DSC_0545 DSC_0548When I decorate the tree, wrap presents, bake Christmas cookies, I must listen to Christmas carols. And to be honest, I listen to them any other time I get the chance too, or just sing my favorites at random wherever I happen to be. I’m the annoying lady singing along with the songs playing in the stores. Love me some Christmas carols.

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I’ve been this way as long as I can remember. My Mom and I listened to Johnny Mathis Christmas music while making no-bake cookies for her bunco group every year, and the tradition kind of stuck. You know I am a Christmas tradition junkie. And I have music in my head constantly, so this is the perfect time of year to just sing out loud as much as I want (so sorry if you happen to see me in a store).

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My favorite carols? Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, I’ll Be Home for Christmas, Chestnuts Roasting... I’ve also always loved Give Me Your Love for Christmas and What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve? which I think are solely Johnny Mathis songs, though I’m not positive. Perhaps oddly,  other songs that I have always included among my favorites are JM’s musical rendition of the Our Father (which is actually how I came to know the prayer by heart long before ever actually praying it), Do You Hear What I Hear?, Silent Night, and my all-time favorite, The Little Drummer Boy (which may or not be responsible for my previously-vaguely-held half-belief that there was a drummer boy involved in the story of Jesus’s birth).

Even when I didn’t believe in the story told in these songs or the God praised in them, I still loved the music and tradition of them. I’d sing along to them every year, without giving a thought to what they were about. “Joy to the World,” “Hark the Herald Angels Sing,” “O Holy Night”… I’d sing them all loud and proud and never stop to consider the beauty of the songs beyond the tune. I didn’t think about the words, so half the time I sang them incorrectly (“Long lay the word, in sin and err opiiiiiining…”)

But this year. This year, oh how I love these songs. This year I have a new appreciation for how truly beautiful they are.

My new favorite is O Come, O Come, Emmanuel. I purchased some new Christmas music from iTunes this year specifically with this song in mind. I have to admit, I still don’t entirely understand what it means, but it’s so haunting and joyful at the same time. I can’t get enough of it.

The wonders and joys of Christmas are multiplying for me this year. Joy to the world.

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Our $5 Birthday Tradition

I think I might be experiencing the beginnings of a sinus infection today. Consequently, my brain feels like a blob of sludge. Instead of trying to write anything coherent, I’m just going to share lots of photos from our birthday party for the Daddy over the weekend.

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If you’re not familiar with our tradition, I take the girls to the Dollar Tree store, give them each $5 and let them pick five things to give their Daddy for his birthday.

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As you can imagine, it’s a very fun tradition. I think I enjoy it as much as my husband. I love watching how the girls select their gifts. Lass picked all of hers from the first aisle we entered (office supplies/teaching aids).

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So, from her Daddy got fish stickers, glue sticks, a package of plastic clip/link things, some rulers, and a pink, feathery wand/pen (see first pic above).

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She was so happy about his reaction to her presents. She gets snuggly when she’s happy:

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Like last year, Miss searched the whole store in search of the perfect gifts. We even went down several of the aisles twice. She was so pleased with her selections.

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My favorite part of the whole process is seeing how much fun the girls have watching their Dad open the gifts they selected just for him.

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They feel so proud of themselves when he gets excited over their selections.

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Gifts from Miss: Scissors, colored paper clips, a dish drying mat, a new pair of glasses, and a pair of earbuds.

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Even Sis picked out one gift this year.

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A fake apple.

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My Grandma and aunt got to be with us from Florida for the party this year. Gram made all sorts of fun stuff from the tissue paper, which the girls had a blast with.

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I’m off to wrap presents. Miss has been on me about getting more of them under the tree for her to inspect and question me ceaselessly about.

Kentucky Family Fun

It’s that time of year again where I bring you the we’re-at-my-parents’-house-here-are-a-ton-of-photos post. This post will include all of the same elements that always make an appearance in those about Christmas with my family.

1. Silliness with Grandma (and playing with my old toys):

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^^The girls decided that Barney, my huge old teddy bear, was sick, and they were doctoring him in Grandma’s bed.

2. Watching our favorite Christmas movie, Heidi:

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^^Baby Sis was even enthralled by this, the best holiday movie ever.

3. Story time at the library with Grandma:

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^^She could not understand why she couldn’t just go get in Grandma’s lap for a story.

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4. And of course, a big holiday free-for-all with my brother’s family yesterday.

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We haven’t seen my brother and his family in a long time, and it made me so happy to see my kids and his kids jump right into cousin-ly camaraderie.

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It was awesome to have my whole family together. Six adults + Seven kids (two of which are toddlers) = Crazy and wonderful.

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The present opening was just as chaotic as ever, and just as fun.

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Everyone got pretty tired out by the festivities.
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More silliness with Grandma:

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After my brother and his clan left the girls got dressed in their new princess PJs, which Lass had been begging to put on from the moment she opened them.

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They danced around in their new finery, with Lass breathlessly proclaiming, “I’m Snow White! I am really and truly Snow White! All my dreams have come true!”

At the end of the evening last night, we put on a movie for tired girls (and tired parents).

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We have one more day at Grandma and Grandpa’s before hitting the road to go home on Saturday. We’re packing in as much quality time as we can.

“The Other Mother” – Read this Book

I love to read a good book. To me a truly good book is one that tells a great story in a beautiful way. One that speaks to you and keeps you thinking, even after you’re done reading. I just finished reading such a book.

I was asked recently to review a book called “The Other Mother: A Rememoir” by Teresa Bruce.

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In it, the author tells the story of her own young self and the woman she came to call her “other mother.” This woman, Byrne Miller, came of age during the depression. She was a dancer and dance instructor, a wife to a struggling author, and a mother to two biological daughters, one of which was diagnosed with schizophrenia at age five, the other killed in a car accident in adulthood. Teresa brings Byrne to life in her book and showcases the amazing spirit of the woman who “collected” children wherever she went, remarking, “If the family you’re given cannot make you happy, or vice versa, collect another.”

Teresa was one of Byrne’s collected daughters and she tells Byrne’s story with compelling honesty and insight. She refers to Byrne’s colorful comments and bits of advice as “womenisms,” and these are peppered throughout the book. As I read, I found myself captivated, experiencing a strong sense of connection with the unique and gutsy character of Byrne, in spite of the fact that she was of another generation and lived a life vastly different from mine.

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I really loved this book, but I struggled with figuring out how to write a review because of one major aspect of Byrne’s life. Not long after their daughter’s diagnosis with schizophrenia, Byrne catches her husband Duncan having a secret affair, and upon confronting him, learns that he wants to have an “open” marriage.

He wanted an arrangement,” Teresa writes, “an escape hatch from the broken child he could not fix.” Byrne accommodates him, stipulating that they must always at least be honest about it. One of the womenisms attributed to Byrne is, “Monogamy is overrated. Honesty is imperative.” Another is, “Every woman should have at least one affair. It builds confidence.

I vehemently disagree with both of these statements (except the second part of the first one). So much so that I had a hard time reconciling my dislike of statements like these with my love of the book and with the character of Byrne.

There is so much more to this book and to Byrne than this piece of the story, but it was hard for me to figure out how to write about it because of that one part that I feel so uncomfortable with. Obviously, the book and the author are not advocating having affairs or open marriages. But… I got stuck on this issue when trying to find a way to formulate my review.

For one thing, I could not connect with the character of Duncan, in spite of feeling empathy about his having Alzheimer’s and the inclusion in the book of several moving passages about his love for Byrne. For another, I couldn’t get on board with the portrayal at points in the book of Byrne and Duncan’s relationship as being so amazing and wonderful. A few times in the book, Teresa writes about one of Byrne’s daughters “finding her Duncan” as a metaphor for finding the perfect man. Knowing that he cheated on Byrne throughout their marriage, I could not understand why anyone would want to “find a Duncan.”

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Teresa was very open to discussing the book with me and answering questions through email, so I expressed my feelings about this to her. She noted that she didn’t think Byrne’s advice to have affairs was meant to be taken literally (though Byrne did have at least two affairs herself in her open marriage, as described in the book). Teresa also commented that she knew the open marriage thing would probably be a hard part of the story for many women to swallow. In an email to me she wrote, “As a ‘daughter’ of Byrne I kind of wanted to protect that part of her story, but as a writer, I thought I had to include it because it was part of my journey of going from thinking [Byrne and Duncan] had a perfect, fairy-tale life and marriage to realizing the truth.

That last statement was a great way to sum up the progression of the book around this topic. It reminded me that saying that someone had found “her Duncan” wasn’t so much saying she had found the perfect man, but that she had found the perfect man for her. And though their marriage was far from ideal, Duncan seemed to be the perfect mate for Byrne, and she for him. They seemed to understand and complement each other and to truly love each other in a way that worked for them. Teresa also pointed out her own dedication of the book to her husband, “For Gary, the man Byrne always knew was out there for me.” NOT, “For Gary – my Duncan.”

As Teresa reveals poignantly, Byrne’s life was anything but a fairy tale. Her older (biological) daughter Alison was diagnosed with schizophrenia at age five, and her younger daughter was killed by a drunk driver. Her husband had Alzheimer’s. And there was much more, but I don’t want to spoil some twists in the story.

For me the most haunting chapter in the book was the one in which Teresa describes the time when Alison was diagnosed, and Byrne reluctantly agreed to allow her to undergo electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). Byrne was devastated, feeling she had betrayed her daughter by allowing this treatment. But also,  in 1943, she was shouldering the blame for her daughter’s illness, as it was still thought at that time that schizophrenia was caused by a “schizophrenogenic mother.”

After the ECT failed to produce desired results, the doctors suggested Alison be institutionalized. My favorite line of the book follows this, “‘Speak again of taking my child away from me,’ [Byrne] threatened, a cobra about to strike, ‘and I will attach those ECT wires to your testicles.’” I wanted to cheer when I read this. And I wanted to cry. I could absolutely see myself saying something similar if I felt one of my children was being threatened. At the same time, I couldn’t imagine being in that position.

As a mother, I devoured the parts of the book about Byrne’s efforts to “cure” Alison herself. She was like a one-woman army, going into battle with a mysterious and elusive enemy to save her daughter’s mind. As a psychologist, I cannot imagine that struggle. Obviously no one (not even the most dedicated mother) can cure schizophrenia through hard work and sheer force of will, but Byrne did help Alison to be able to attend regular schools and function throughout her life mostly independently.

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One of the womenisms Teresa attributes to Byrne is, “When what is painful can’t be fixed, close the door behind you and walk into another room. The brain has more chambers than the heart.” Byrne seemed to me the perfect example of the saying, “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” She did not dwell on hardship, but made the most of whatever situation life handed her.

Reading about why she made the choices she did, how she made them work, and what she learned from them was something I really loved about the book. I especially enjoyed reading about some of Byrne’s unorthodox parenting choices, which I found both amusing and challenging.

For example, when Duncan quit a job and suggested they leave New York for someplace quieter so he could write, they went to Byrne’s aunt’s old country home, only to find that the actual house was gone and all that was left was a chicken coop and a tree house. Byrne allowed her daughters to live in the treehouse, while putting a tent around the chicken coop for herself and Duncan. Yes, you read that right. She allowed her two young daughters to live in a treehouse.

This cracked me up at the same time it kind of horrified me. I would never allow my girls to live in a treehouse (entertaining as it was to read about someone who did), but reading about Byrne’s way of finding unconventional solutions challenged me and spoke to the part of me that knows I need to lighten up about many things with my own girls.

And therein lies the beauty of this book. If you are a woman, it speaks to you. It speaks to mothers, daughters, wives, sisters, and friends. It speaks to anyone who finds joy in self expression and art and movement. It speaks to those who have lost loved ones, whether through death or descent into psychosis and/or dementia. It speaks to anyone who has made bad decisions and to everyone who would do anything for her family, biological or “collected.”

The parts of the story that I felt most connected to, naturally, had to do with Byrne’s struggles and triumphs as a young mother. But I also appreciated the grit and spirit of this woman who fought for her children and for her marriage, even if it was often in unusual ways.

The relationship between Teresa and Byrne is one I find to be a model of how women can and should always have a support system of other women, whether that comes from blood relatives or others. I have written before about how everyone should have a Super Friend. I guess I could even refer to Super Friend as my “Other Sister.” But Teresa brings up another relationship that is critically important also, that of a mother. She reminds us that we can have this relationship even when our own mother does not or cannot provide it.

Women can and should bring out the best in each other. This book provides such a beautiful portrait of one way this can occur. If you’re a woman, you should absolutely read this book. And then email me and tell me what you thought, because I am dying to talk to someone about it! Get a copy, or win it here!

Again I have an opportunity to give away a copy of this book. This time, I have in my possession an autographed hardcover copy that I can’t wait to send to someone who will enjoy it. So, like last time just leave a comment to enter. I’ll pick a winner (via Random.org) on Monday, December 16th at 9pm Central time.

Have you ever had an “other mother” or another woman outside your family who meant as much to you as your biological relatives? Have you been an “other mother”?

** Disclosure – I was given a two signed copies of this book in exchange for writing a review of it.