Running On Empty

I’m staring at the screen tonight, not really sure how to write what I want to write.

I guess I’m not entirely sure what it is I even want to say, so I’m just going free form here, and hopefully something coherent will emerge.

The past week has been a rough one for me.  I’m far from the perfect mom, but there have been moments this past week that I’ve struggled to even feel competent.  I mentioned that I don’t much enjoy the weeks when my husband works nights.  I have less back up and less time with him.  Plus I think my girls miss their time with him, so they end up being less easygoing as well.  I don’t have family nearby, so when circumstances align so that my husband’s availability is limited, my sleep is less than optimal, and my older girls are listening to me about as well as my dog (who’s deaf) does,  I end up feeling very cranky and impatient.  Adrift and lonely.

I have to take more deep breaths.  I have to tell myself to chill out.  I have to get creative to keep everyone mostly sane.  I sometimes have to apologize to my kids for being a big jerk.  I pay a babysitter to get an hour of uninterrupted time by myself.  I count the minutes until a play date with a cherished friend, whom I don’t get to see often enough now that summer is over.  I keep telling myself, “The reinforcements are coming.  And it’s gonna be good!”  And it will.

My parents are coming tomorrow to help out while my husband is out of town for the next ten days.  Hallelujah.  We are thrilled to have Grandma and Grandpa coming.

Because Grandma does much better than throwing a bunch of crap on the table and calling it “craft time.”

Because Grandpa and I can put together something much better for dinner than a PB&J  picnic/movie night.

Because I’ll pull myself out of this funk and get my mommy-groove back.

I’m not really sure what has had me so out of sorts this past week. Yes, I have missed my husband (still do), but that’s not all.  I’m tired, lonely, and feeling frayed.  I suppose all moms have times like these.  Hell, I sure hope I’m not the only one!

My reinforcements are coming.  I’m running on fumes, but soon my tank will be full again.