When I used to blog a lot, there were many, many photos and posts about my three girls when they were little and cute and sweet. Like this:

Now they’re all teenagers: 13 (almost 14), 15, and 17.

^^Having them stand beneath their one-year photos was accidental, but I love it. (Also, Lass was already wearing her shoes and her sisters weren’t. She’s not actually that much taller than they are.)

Many people talk about how awful teenagers are. I can remember, when the girls were little, getting the dire-sounding warnings and being told things like, “Just wait until they’re all teenagers!” I seem to remember even when I was a teenager, hearing comments about the horrors of adolescence. The prevailing sentiment of the world seems to often be that parenting (and even being around) teens is miserable.

But my experience has been that it is not miserable at all. It’s hard sometimes, but not because teenagers are that bad. My girls, in fact, are quite delightful most of the time. They’re witty and super fun to talk to and hang out with. They don’t seem to hate me as a general rule, though there are moments (some of which I deserve). We have good conversations, and I can enjoy seeing glimpses of the adults that they are growing into and imagining lovely futures for them.

It’s not all flowers and sunshine all the time, of course. Adolescence is a huge transition. It’s stretching and changing and challenging. For them too. I have to let go a lot when I sometimes just want to hold on for dear life.

In some of my mom friend circles, I’m one of the “old” moms. Often I’m the only mom in a group who doesn’t still have little ones, with my youngest now being 8. Sometimes younger moms ask me about what it’s like having so many teenagers or having kids getting ready to “fly the coop.” I find it a hard thing to explain.

The feelings are intense. It’s pretty much the most heartbreaking and the most awesome thing. At the same time. I never want my kids to leave. And I’m so excited for what life has in store for them and eager to see what they will do. I hate imagining the day that each of them will graduate our homeschool and no longer be a part of what we do each day. And I know that graduation will be a wonderful, joyful milestone. Thinking of them moving out makes me want to ugly cry. And yet I know that this has been the whole point. All these years, I have been preparing them for these moments. Helping them grow up. Teaching them what they need to know to be independent. Praying for them and guiding them so they can go off on their own. But I’m still not ready.

^^No, Miss isn’t getting married quite yet, but it was pretty sentimental to see her try on my mom’s wedding dress.

I loved having little babies and toddlers.

I loved the years when my kids were small. My arms were full all the time.

I look back on those years and I miss having little ones so much. There are moments of intense nostalgia, and sometimes regret that I didn’t savor it more. Though I’m pretty sure I did really. There’s a bit of an ache in my heart knowing that I don’t have and won’t have any more babies.

One of my girls asked me once if I miss when they were little.

“Every single day.” Was my immediate response.

But then I followed that up with, “AND I am also so thankful for and enjoy you as you are now. It’s both hard, and good.”

This is one of the things I’m trying to teach them. That things can be really, really hard. And also really, really good. At the same time. I’m still trying to learn it myself.

Big, big changes are just on the horizon. Miss will be graduating this year. She has a serious boyfriend and they are talking about marriage. I will have a second driver this summer. Soon they will be moving out and moving on.

I’m not ready. But I will be when I need to be.

Both hard. And good.