Would You Reschedule a Doctor Appointment for a Play Date?

Posted on April 5, 2013April 5, 2013 by Amy

I have a three-word answer to this question:

In. A. Heartbeat.

I also have a longer answer to the question, which qualifies the short answer.

All play dates are not created equal.

I would not reschedule a doctor appointment for just any play date.

I had routine, well-child appointments scheduled for Sis (one-year checkup) and Miss (four-year checkup) for this morning. I rescheduled them for a play date.

Oh yes I did.

I usually try to get together with a very good friend of mine and her kids for play dates once per week or so. But she just had a new baby about two weeks ago, and though I visited her and her new sweet baby girl in the hospital briefly, we haven’t had a play date in about three weeks. She has had family visiting, so today was the first opportunity we’ve had to get together since her baby was born. And it’s the last opportunity we’ll have before we leave for a week to visit my family in Kentucky. And it’s spring break for her kids so we could all get together instead of having one of her kids not present because of being at school.

This fortuitous coming together of circumstances to allow this one morning for a play date with some special friends was too much to pass up.

I’m so glad I rescheduled the appointments.

When we have play dates with these friends, our kids read together.

They also chase each other, play dress up, and do everything else kids do during play dates, but I just love that they regularly, and for a significant portion of our play dates with them, sit down together and read books. That is just like play date heaven for me. That and pretty much everything else about our visits with these friends.

We even have had evening “jammies, movie, and pizza” play dates with them when Daddies have worked late.

I’ve been to many play dates. Some great ones. A few, um, less than awesome ones. Most would not prompt me to want to reschedule an appointment for my kids.

But today, this time, I missed my friend. I missed her kids and wanted to see her precious new little one again.

Appointment, schm-appointment.

I never really understood the treasure that is an awesome play date until I discovered this friend and her kids (and also experienced some not-so-good play dates). These play dates are no fuss, no muss, no worries. Our kids play well together, and my friend and I practically read each others’ minds as we chit chat and help each other with holding kids, making lunches, wiping mouths, pouring milks.

I love that my girls have friends like these.

I love that I do too. Every mom needs at least one awesome go-to Mom Friend. Truly, it is a must-have for maintaining sanity.

I’m so glad I have my friend.

Little Pim Language Learning DVD – Review and Giveaway CLOSED

Posted on April 4, 2013April 18, 2013 by Amy

I don’t usually do product reviews on this blog. I’ve been approached to do a few, but have never wanted to spend the time to review a product that didn’t seem to me like it would really appeal to the people who tend to read here.

But, a few months ago I was starting to look into programs for teaching foreign language to my girls. I had really been slacking on including any foreign language in our homeschool, and was looking for a little help. I took three years of Spanish in high school, and have a very basic recollection of the language, but I certainly cannot speak it and didn’t feel very confident to teach much more than vocabulary to my girls. Even that I wasn’t doing regularly, so I wanted to find something to provide more structure and better instruction than I was giving.

It just so happened that, around the time I was beginning to do some research into the available programs for preschool-aged children and was having trouble finding something appealing, I was contacted by someone at Little Pim and asked to review one of their language DVDs. I checked out their website and was impressed, so I agreed to do the review.

Little Pim produces DVDs, books, flashcards, music CDs, and games to help children from ages 0-6 begin to learn a foreign language. Their method:

The Entertainment Immersion Method® integrates the latest scientific research regarding kids’ language learning and brain development. Pimsleur Levine developed the series with leading neuroscientist Dr. April Benasich, director of the Rutgers Infancy Studies Lab.

Each of our educational DVDs has a unique, child-friendly theme, such as eating, playtime and feelings. The method teaches 360 words and phrases, providing the essential building blocks for language learning. A child only needs 500 words to be considered “conversational” in a language. Babies, toddlers and kids respond enthusiastically to Little Pim’s format, which combines animated and live-action videos.

At Little Pim, we understand how children learn, so our videos are segmented into 5-minute episodes to accommodate a young child’s attention span. Simple sentences are broken down into easy-to-understand parts and reinforced through repetition by native speakers.

They offer many languages, including Spanish, French, Chinese, Arabic, and Italian, to name a few. I chose to have the Spanish DVD sent to us, largely because this is the language I am most comfortable with trying to teach my kids, having some background in it myself.

The DVD that was sent to us is #2 in the Spanish DVD set, “Wake Up Smiling.” I put it on for the girls the first chance I got and sat down to watch it with them. I did this at first without looking in depth into the many suggestions Little Pim offers, both on their website and in the packaging of the DVD itself, for helping kids get the most out of the DVDs.

To begin, we just sat and watched together.

My first impression? The girls loved it. They laughed out loud at Little Pim and the silly things he does throughout the video, and they were really into it, asking to watch it again and again.

Other initial thoughts were that I really liked the repetition of the words and the way the short segments alternate between animation of Little Pim and live action of children and adults engaging in the behaviors or interacting with the items that represent the Spanish words being spoken. I loved that the DVD doesn’t just show pictures and vocabulary words, but uses common phrases as well. I needed more help with teaching Spanish phrases using the correct grammar than with teaching vocabulary words, so this part is especially useful to me.

It was a good first impression.

We began watching the DVD a few times per week, as recommended. The first few times we watched it, I just sat with the girls, turned on the English subtitles, and repeated the English and Spanish words after they were said in the DVD. We talked about many of the words (those I could remember) afterwards and at random times through the day between viewings. After watching it with them a few times, I took the time to read up on the recommendations on the website and that go along with the DVD and look into some of the other great offerings on the Little Pim website.

As recommended, I increased my attempts to use the words from the DVD in conversations with the girls throughout the day. I printed out the companion guide provided on the website to help with this. I almost always sit and watch the DVD with them and repeat the words as they are said in the video, encouraging them to do the same.

I’ve also been talking with them a bit about Spain, showing them on our world map, and cooking some traditional Spanish food (paella, empanada, etc.), so they get a little bit of context for what “Spanish” means outside of just a bunch of different words we say. I used Post-Its around the house to label various items and actions, mostly to remind myself to say these words as much as possible with them.

Both of my older girls are able to repeat many of the words and phrases while watching the DVD.

Miss (my four-year-old) in particular has had lots of fun trying to say the words in conversation with me. We have been watching the video for only about five weeks, but she is really beginning to pick up words and phrases. Last night while getting ready for bed, she randomly said, “los pies,” while smiling up at me. I asked her what that means, and she (correctly) held up her foot.

Lass (age 2.5) is also beginning to remember a few of the words and phrases. Her favorite is to say, “Adios, hasta pronto!” (Goodbye, see you soon!), which Little Pim says at the end of each segment of the video.

Sis (age 1) isn’t speaking much yet (in English), but she does attend to the DVD for short periods when her sisters are watching.

Overall, I really like the DVD we are using.

But, I don’t love the idea of just using a DVD and nothing else. I want a program that is more interactive, for two reasons:

One is simply that I believe providing interactive experiences is a better way to learn anything than by just staring at a screen.

The other is that, after the first few viewings, the DVD has failed to hold my girls’ attention really well for very long. They still enjoy sitting down to watch it, and will pay close attention and repeat the words back for a couple of the segments (about 5 minutes each), but they don’t sit and enjoy the whole video anymore like they did the first few times they watched it. It’s just not that sort of video.

That said, I realize that the”interactive” piece with a DVD like this has to come from me, which is why I watch it with them and try to incorporate the words and phrases in conversation throughout the day. Though the DVD is somewhat interactive (Little Pim asks questions here and there such as, “Que es esto?” – What is this?), the video seems to me to be more of a tool to get parents engaged in speaking a foreign language with their children rather than expecting that a child will learn Spanish purely from watching this DVD (or the set of DVDs) over and over. I’m sure simply watching the DVDs repeatedly would produce some learning of the language, but doing the additional activities recommended by the Little Pim folks are what is really going to make the experience beneficial.

And fortunately, Little Pim has several other, more interactive, products available as well. For the past five weeks I have only been using the DVD that was sent to me, because I wanted my review to mostly focus on that. But, recently I also downloaded some free Little Pim games on my phone, which Miss loves. These seem to have boosted her comprehension and interest quite a bit very quickly, and they’re free. Additionally, I am planning to get the Spanish Word and Phrase Cards, a few additional videos, and maybe the Little Pim music CD, as well as a few children’s books written in Spanish to increase the methods we have for presenting the language in our home.

Bottom line? The DVD is great. In short viewings, my girls really enjoy it and benefit from it. It helps me to remember and add to my old Spanish knowledge so that I can use it to teach them what’s on the DVDs and also some other things I remember. Add to the DVD the helpful tips Little Pim provides, the word and phrase cards, CD, books, and downloadable games, and I think the Little Pim program is really well-rounded for providing foreign language instruction for very young children, which is hard to find. It is also very reasonably priced, with each DVD costing only $17.95 and several different packaged deals from which to choose.

We will be watching our DVD plenty during our 10-hour drive to my parent’s house on Saturday to provide breaks between Disney movies!

I recommend the Little Pim DVDs and games to anyone who wants to expose a young child to learning a foreign language. I will also be purchasing the flashcards and music CD to try in our house as well***

Now, for the fun part. The folks at Little Pim have agreed to provide another DVD for one reader to win. To enter the giveaway, all you have to do is leave a comment below telling me which language you would want to try.

For two additional chances to win:

1. Like Motherhood and Miscellany on Facebook (you can click this link or just use the “Like” button on the sidebar >>). Leave a separate comment and let me know that you’ve done so.

2. Like Little Pim on Facebook. Again, leave a separate comment telling me that you did.

Be sure I have a way to contact you if you win (email, FB, etc). The giveaway will be open until Monday, April 15th at 8 PM CST. When it ends I’ll use Random.org to pick a winner. Good luck!

*** Little Pim sent me the DVD I reviewed for free and is providing the second DVD for this giveaway. I did not receive any other compensation for writing this, and all opinions contained in this post are my own.

Easter. A Birthday. I. Am. Blessed.

Posted on March 31, 2013 by Amy

We had a fun-filled Easter.

We woke up to yarn trails leading to Easter baskets and an egg hunt.

We tried a new recipe for Easter breakfast. I had seen “Resurrection Rolls” mentioned on other blogs and probably on Pinterest too. I didn’t really consider making them until a good friend suggested it, mentioning that it is a fun way for kids to get a visual/hands on learning experience of the whole Jesus-in-the-tomb-and-then-not-in-the-tomb/Resurrection thing. Though we read several books about it, I’m still not very good at explaining this stuff to my kids (this is all very new, here), so I decided to give it a try (and make our traditional Easter breakfast of creamed eggs for lunch or dinner).

The girls had a lot of fun rolling the marshmallow “Jesuses” in the butter and cinnamon sugar and wrapping them up in the crescent roll “tombs.”

Seriously, they were delicious (recipe here).

The girls got a huge kick out of breaking open the rolls looking for Jesus and finding them empty. Lass kept saying, “But Jesus isn’t in here!” each time she took a bite.

Thanks for the tip, C.

We got all dressed up in our Easter finery and went to church. We even got there 30 minutes early so we could get a seat. It was packed.

When we got home I insisted on a few photos of the girls in their Easter dresses before everyone changed and had lunch.

How many photos does it take to get a good one when a four-year-old decides she will. not. smile.?

Not too many once we start telling her not to smile (but still several more than what you see here!).

Finally!

It was a little easier to get a decent one of just the girls, since we didn’t have to coax smiles and just had to try to get them all to be at least sort of facing in the direction of the camera. They were looking at me instead of at my husband with the camera, but I still love this photo.

After lunch and naps (I even had a wonderful, long nap myself), we watched some basketball (yay Michigan wins, boo Duke loses; I know, I went to U of L!) and I made creamed eggs.

Creamed eggs is the traditional Christmas and Easter morning breakfast from my childhood. I enjoyed having the Resurrection Rolls for breakfast this morning, but could not have Easter without creamed eggs, so we had them for dinner.

I’m even going to share our secret family recipe with you (now that I’m finally able to make it myself without calling my Mom to ask how).

Creamed eggs:

You need butter, flour, milk, hard boiled eggs, and salt and pepper (and bread for toast).

Melt a stick of butter over low – medium low heat. Add about 1/2 cup of flour (give or take), stirring it in gradually until you have a nice, paste-like roux. Then add milk a little at a time, stirring it until all lumps are gone with each pour, until you have a good creamy consistency for your base. Cut about 6 hard-boiled eggs into small chunks and add to base. Add salt and pepper to taste. Serve over toast.

It doesn’t look that awesome, but it is so, so yummy. And it’s a good way to use up Easter eggs.

Miss and Lass weren’t all that into it tonight (though they loved it on Christmas), but I think that’s because they filled up on Easter candy at snack time. Sis went to town eating it up.

And finally, to top off a wonderful Easter, we had another birthday party.

Yep, I turned 37 today.

It was a really wonderful birthday with my favorite people. My little family of 5.

My big girls helped me to blow out my candles, open my cards, and open my birthday gift.

At bedtime, when I was chatting with my older girls I told them “thank you” for helping me to have a wonderful, happy birthday. Miss said, “Are you happy because you got a present?” I said, “I love my present. But the very best part of today was being with you girls and your Daddy. You are the best present I could ever have.” She smiled her big four-year-old smile at me and said, “Yeah, we are.”

Ready for Easter

Posted on March 30, 2013 by Amy

We have been talking about Easter all week in school.

We’ve read books about the Easter Bunny. About Easter Eggs. About where both of these traditions originated. And about Jesus and the Resurrection, of course.

It has been a good week. We’ve all learned a lot. I found lots of fun activities to do addition and counting using plastic Easter eggs and small candies (like M&Ms and Jelly Bellies), and I added in a bit of number and shape recognition to some of them.

We used up some left-over-from-St.-Patrick’s-Day poster board to make Easter bunnies.

I often get out textural elements for the girls to add to their crafts, like cotton balls to make the bunnies fluffy (or puffy paint made with shaving cream and glue). Miss often rejects these outright. She knows what she wants, and in this case the cotton balls were not part of her vision. Lass thought it was fun to add the cotton balls. Until it wasn’t. I love their different approaches to things.

Today we dyed eggs.

We talk about measuring and color mixing and all sorts of fun stuff when we do this one.

* Note: Last year I thought it was a great idea to use whisks to dunk the eggs in the dye. I even bought a second whisk this year since one of the ones I used last year didn’t work for this purpose very well. At the last minute I decided the whisks were sort of a pain (getting the eggs in and out of them was kind of messy, it was a little bit hard to get the eggs far enough into the dye, we could only do one egg at a time for each girl, etc.) and that the girls were old enough to do just fine getting the eggs out with spoons. I was right, and am glad I skipped the whisks this year.

I used more food coloring in the dye this year. We used brown eggs that I buy from a friend who has her own chickens, so I wanted to dye to be extra vibrant. I love how they turned out.

We got a bit messy. Some fingers got dyed. Especially Lass’s, since she kept sticking her fingers into the cups to get her eggs out.

She was so eager to get her eggs in and out of the cups. She dyed four eggs green (her favorite color) before Miss pulled one of hers out of the dye, I think.

They had a lot of fun. Miss said, “I think the Easter Bunny with love these eggs.”

Speaking of the Easter Bunny, he has been here tonight. He tied yarn to the older girls’ door knobs, which will lead them to their baskets in the morning.

We have their baskets and eggs hidden in separate rooms so they will each have a chance to find the same number of eggs. Miss is a little bit more focused in her searching and finding, so we didn’t want Lass to miss out on eggs (and their contents) if Miss found most of them. Daddy hid Miss’s in the office.

We are ready for tomorrow.

I was all flustered for a few days earlier this week trying to figure out the logistics of doing Easter Bunny stuff with the girls and making it to church on time at 9. I considered doing the Easter Bunny stuff all on Saturday, hiding the eggs/baskets during nap time, or somehow running in to get it done while my husband stayed out in the car with them after church. Ultimately, I decided to take advantage of the fact that the church holds Mass at several different times during the day. We’re going at 11, so we’ll have plenty of time to get everything done and be ready to go on time tomorrow. Easy.

Happy Easter!

A Birthday

Posted on March 28, 2013 by Amy

How is it possible that this was a whole year ago?

My littlest sweet girl turned one today. My tiny, my youngest, my baby.

We had a big day, starting with a special pancake breakfast.

We played and played and climbed and played and sang “Happy Birthday” about 49 times.

Presents were a bit tricky as we had to re-pack them each several times with reminders to the big sisters to let Sis pull out the paper herself. Miss and Lass were just so excited to see it all.

We had pizza for dinner.

And then the main event.

My favorite part.

She initially just smooshed the cupcake in her hands, not sure what to do with it.

So I helped her out.

It didn’t take much.

Her sisters got just as messy as she did. Miss was even more of a mess since she decided to experiment with using the chocolate fudge frosting from her cupcake as hand lotion after she finished eating what she wanted.

We had one tired girl at the end of the day.

Happy Birthday to our Baby Sis.

Wednesday – Not My Favorite Day of the Week

Posted on March 27, 2013 by Amy

Wednesdays are my least favorite day of the week. They are “swimming lesson day.” The day I have to make sure we’re all fed and dressed and ready to go by 8:30 (we are so spoiled now that Miss doesn’t go to preschool anymore). The day I have to break it to Lass over breakfast that we have to hurry and get ready because Miss has swimming lessons. The day she cries because her sister’s swimming lesson means she and Sis get dropped off at the drop-in childcare at our YMCA for an hour (she loves it there when Miss goes in with her, but can’t stand that she can’t come to swimming lessons). The day I am most likely to act like a crabby jerk of a mom because we are in a hurry and Lass changes her outfit three times and Miss has a fit when getting in the car because she forgot to grab the six thousand toys she wants to bring with her.

Man, I hate Wednesdays.

I was not my best mom self today. Hate that feeling. Blech.

Happily, Miss is doing great in her swimming lessons.

She doesn’t like getting her face wet much, and she won’t jump in by herself. But she can swim and float with a float belt on. She’s great at kicking. And she does put her face in the water and blow bubbles, when she has to.

I got really spoiled in the summer when she took lessons from an awesome teacher. Since then I have been really frustrated with her instructors. I don’t want to be that mom who complains to her kid’s teacher about every little thing or tries to tell the teacher how to teach the class. But it is really annoying to spend six weeks taking my kid to lessons with a teacher who is just not really helping her learn that much.

For example, in her last session of swimming, the instructor tried to get her to jump into the water, but he wouldn’t let her grab his hand. Even in the first class, on the first day she met him, when she has no rapport or trust established with this random guy, he wouldn’t let her grab his hand to jump in the pool. She never did seem to feel very comfortable with this guy, and she didn’t learn much during the six-week class.

This time around, her teacher has been pretty much the same about the jumping-in-the-water thing. Today she let Miss grab her hand (pic above), but typically she hasn’t. Not only did she not let her grab her hand in previous classes, but she actually grabbed Miss’s float belt several times and jerked her into the water when she hesitated. I am not a fan. But, though Miss didn’t really like this, she didn’t seem to be too freaked out by it. She enjoys swimming and she liked her teacher well enough, so I never said anything about it. Again, I don’t want to be that mom.

But now we’ve finished six more weeks of lessons and Miss has barely learned any more than what she was doing at the end of last summer. Today she got her “report card,” and there were tons of things on it that she did not “pass.”

Now, I have to say, I truly don’t care if she moves to the next class. I don’t care if there are things she hasn’t learned to do yet, as long as she is learning and progressing and having fun. I’m not one of those parents who sits on the sidelines watching one of my child’s activities and getting all flustered if she makes a mistake or doesn’t execute a skill perfectly. Usually I just smile and nod, give some encouragement, or acknowledge that I’m watching her.

BUT it really frustrates me when her teacher says that she hasn’t learned to do essential skills for the class, but the teacher never attempted to teach those skills. Especially when they’re skills that Miss learned to do, and passed, on her “report card” from last summer.

This time around, she didn’t pass bobbing three times under water. The teacher never tried to get her to do this. She did it last summer.

She didn’t pass learning to dive from a seated position. They were never taught this during this session of classes. Last summer, with authority:

This time she didn’t even pass floating on her back by herself for five seconds with a float belt. She certainly did that last summer, and I think in the fall as well. This time her teacher never attempted to have her do this, until today. Before today they spent way too much time floating around the pool lying on their backs on these ridiculously huge “kick boards” with just their feet dangling off the ends so they couldn’t really even kick effectively.

Today when Miss’ teacher finally tried to get her to float on her back by herself, of course she did it, and her teacher looked at me with this proud smile and said, “We have a floater!” I just smiled back and gave a thumbs up, while what I really wanted to say was, “You think you taught her that??? She’s been doing that for nine months!”

She didn’t pass “jump in pool and swim back to the side, unassisted.” This is probably her very least favorite thing to do, and I’m not sure if she would have passed it this time, no matter who was teaching her. But last summer she was really making progress on it and becoming more comfortable, instead of getting super nervous because of being expected to jump in, with no help, with a person who was essentially a stranger, at least at first.

One of her old teachers helping her learn to jump in and swim back to the side:

I know, even with all my protesting that I’m trying not to be “that mom,” by writing this post, I’m kind of being “that mom.” And I’m really not saying that her teacher this time around (or in the fall) was a bad teacher. She connected with the kids and Miss had a lot of fun with her. She was extremely encouraging. In her defense, she didn’t know that Miss had previously competed these skills successfully. I’m sure she had her reasons for doing things the way she did.

And the thing is, as I said above, I’m not frustrated that Miss didn’t pass to the next level or that there were things on her report card that she isn’t able to do yet. I’m not trying to say that my child is an amazing swimmer and should be moved to the “Eel” class right away. I’m not saying (or thinking) that her teacher is an idiot for not recognizing her skill.

What frustrates me is that I truly don’t know what her skill level is, or could be, at this point. Her teacher did not help her to reach her potential, so I don’t know what she can do. I do know that there are things she was never challenged to do, that her teacher said she did not pass, but that she has passed in previous classes. I want my kids to have the experience of being around people who bring out the best in them and challenge them to reach their limits, so they can expand those limits.

In the grand scheme of things, I know this is not a big deal. Miss doesn’t know the difference, because I’ve never even talked to her about “passing” to the next class. She doesn’t care. She loves the water. She enjoyed her class and is probably becoming a stronger swimmer simply through more exposure to swimming. She’ll take the same class again, and that’s okay.

And I’ll sleep better tonight for having vented all this ridiculous “swimming lesson drama” here.

One thing Miss did get from this class that she was too scared to do in the summer was a trip down the water slide.

She was terrified of that thing in the summer. This time she was a little bit nervous the first time, but then practically dragged her teacher back up the stairs for another turn. She told me at bed time it was her favorite part of her day.

I’m happy someone loves Wednesdays.

On Sharing

Posted on March 26, 2013March 27, 2013 by Amy

Yesterday I read an article called “Why I Don’t Make My Son Share.”

It was an interesting read. For the most part, I like what this mom had to say. I agree with a lot of her points. In a nutshell, she talks about her son’s school’s “sharing policy” in which kids are not required to share an item while they are still playing with it. If a kid wants a toy that someone is playing with, he or she has to wait until the playing kid is done. Makes sense. I’ve never really thought of myself as having a “sharing policy,” but I do typically use this rule with my kids (except for the few hot items that we only have one of that they occasionally both want to play with NOW, then we have to take turns).

Reading the article got me to thinking about sharing. The author of the article mostly wrote about the disservice to children if we give them the idea that they “can have something that someone else has, simply because [they] want it,” and the title says she doesn’t make her son share.

As I said, I mostly agree with what she says about not making kids give a toy that they are actively playing with to another child just because that child wants it. But there’s so much more to sharing that I want to teach my kids.

Example:

If I was using something, say my sunglasses on a really sunny day, I would find it odd if another adult came up to me and randomly asked me to wear them. And in many instances I probably wouldn’t give them up, particularly to a stranger. But, sometimes I have an extra pair in my bag or car. I’d happily lend those to someone else who forgot a pair. In fact, I’d probably offer them without even being asked if I saw that someone needed them. That’s sharing. If I decided to put on a baseball cap (which I never do, it’s just not a good look for me, but for the sake of example…) and didn’t need my glasses anymore, I’d surely let someone else use them. Thats sharing. And if, for some reason, another person needed my sunglasses more than me, I’d most likely give them up. I always offer my sunglasses to my husband when he’s driving my car and he’s forgotten his. He never takes me up on the offer. I can’t imagine why.

But even so, that’s sharing.

To me, teaching my girls about sharing doesn’t mean that I tell them that they have to give a toy that they’re actively playing with to another child on demand. It means that I teach them about the basic concepts of “this is mine, but I’m not using it right now, so you can play with it,” and “let’s play together,” and “here’s one for me and one for you.” It’s helping them to see that other people have feelings and wants and needs, and learning ways that we can share what we have with others. It’s learning to not being greedy and selfish and self-centered, which is kind of hard for them right now because they’re naturally egocentric at this age.

I think sharing is a big part of what helps my girls to play so well together much of the time. Not that I have the answer to sibling harmony, because we certainly have our fair share of fights here.

But I think not forcing them to give their toys to each other arbitrarily helps to minimize resentment. In addition to not making them give each other the things that they are playing with at the moment, when they buy something with their own money or receive it as a gift, they are allowed to think of that thing as their own and to decide whether or not to let others play with it. Miss saved her allowance money and bought a Snow White dress last summer that Lass loved. At first when Lass asked to wear it, Miss said “no.” I didn’t force her to let her sister wear it, but the same rule applied to Lass’s Cinderella dress she had gotten for her birthday. After a very short while, Miss began allowing Lass to wear her dress, and vice versa, and it ceased being something to fight over. It’s not a big deal at all now, and I think this is partly because they were allowed to make the decisions for themselves that they would share their dresses with each other (that and the fact that the dresses aren’t the hot new items anymore).

At the same time, encouraging inclusive play, the idea of “some for me and some for you,” and empathy helps them to have good feelings towards each other. And when sharing is a point of contention between them (or whenever they’re arguing), I try to stay out of it and let them figure it out themselves to the extent this is possible. Sometimes if I just wait a minute, they come up with a solution without my “help.” Letting them decide when and how to share with each other helps them to feel good about it and about each other.

Tonight we went out for dinner and ice cream. Miss chose to have her usual chocolate ice cream flavor. The guy scooped it out for her and then Lass chose something different – chocolate ice cream with a raspberry swirl. Miss nearly had a fit and wanted to change her order. Of course I told her that she couldn’t this time, but that she could ask her sister for a taste of hers and maybe order it for herself next time if she liked it. So she did, and at first Lass said, “no.” No one said anything in response to her refusal to share. A few minutes later she said, “Here, you can have a taste of mine,” and held out a spoonful of her ice cream to her sister. She enjoyed sharing it so much, she gave her several bites and offered some to my husband and me too.

I do sometimes “make” my girls share. Almost never in the sense of making them give up a toy they’re playing with, but sometimes they need encouragement to let other kids play with their stuff even if they’re not actively using it. Sometimes my kids need a reminder that sharing is an act of kindness and we want to be kind to people whenever we can. Sometimes I have to set a limit when one of my girls lets out a blood curdling scream because her sister (or friend) picked up a toy that she was no longer playing with, and then tries to snatch it away. I try my best to do this without being too pushy or authoritarian. It doesn’t always work out that way, but I try.

I think parents can get quite anxious about wanting to demonstrate that we have taught our kids to share and have manners and be empathic and all the other qualities that are socially desirable in adults. In fact, I have never had the experience of seeing another mom pushing my kids to share with hers (as in the examples from the article I linked to above). Usually I see parents bending over backwards to try to make sure their own children are sharing. And then there are the times when I see other parents standing by and watching, not doing a thing, while their kid forcefully takes something from mine, but that’s a whole different post…

Anyway, I’m kind of rambling now. What was my point? Sharing is good? Let’s teach kids to share without forcing them to be doormats? Don’t let your kid be a bully? Something like that. I don’t have a terribly coherent take-home message, I guess. I just got to thinking after reading that article, so I thought I’d share my thoughts here.

Sorry 🙂

‘Night.

Just the Girls

Posted on March 23, 2013March 26, 2013 by Amy

We girls have been on our own since Thursday morning.

Daddy is out of town for a few days.

We’re holding the fort.

Though we miss Daddy like crazy when he’s gone, I try to make things extra fun (and extra easy) when I’m on my own so we can all stay sane.

Okay, so I can stay sane.

We eat easy meals. We have picnics in front of the TV with a movie on. Tonight we went to buy some Easter dresses (it just occurred to me that we need these this year since we’ll be going to church, and Carter’s is having a 50%-off sale) and hit the Culver’s drive through on the way home. They ate dinner while watching Snow White.

Easy.

During these girls-only days I’ve been finding such joy in watching and listening to my girls play. Even more than usual for some reason. It’s probably in part because I’ve been trying to just slow down and be more mindful. I also think it’s because the two older girls are playing together so well these days.

And because Little Sis’s personality is just so fun to watch. This girl is turning one in five days!

The pretend play of Miss and Lass is so creative and funny I could listen to them all day. A favorite game this week has been playing veterinarian. They discuss at length the various ailments of their stuffed animals and how they are going to heal them. Miss gives orders. They say, “Let’s…” and “What if…” a lot. They’re learning so much just from playing together. Have I ever mentioned how happy it makes me that they have each other? As my husband says, “It warms the cockles of my heart.”

They make up all sorts of scenarios with their princess dolls. They go far beyond your typical princess stories.

They’ve been listening to the “Tangled” soundtrack this week. We usually listen to it in the car, but yesterday we played it loudly in the house, and they decided they needed their hair braided like Rapunzel so they could dance.

(My braiding skills have come a long way!)

The dancing Rapunzels:

They’re all growing up so fast.

We’re eagerly awaiting the return of the Daddy.

When I’m parenting on my own for a while I even brave the ugly basement. The girls love the basement.

Sis loves walking back and forth across the open area of floor with this lion. When she gets stuck, she gives me this look:

So I turn her around and she goes again.

Yep, they love the basement.

Easy.

Daddy comes home tomorrow. We can’t wait.

P.S. I’m typing this post during the commercials of the movie “Blind Side.” I tend to watch chick flicks (and Golden Girls, and Friends, and Days of Our Lives on Soap Net) after the girls go to bed when I’m home alone. I’ve never seen this movie before. Love this movie.

Someday Sisters

Posted on March 20, 2013 by Amy

We had some serious dress up playing today. Serious as in, they really had to get into character so they took their regular clothes off to be more authentic in their dresses.

Lass was Rapunzel and Miss was Flynn Rider. Miss was directing the play. She selected the dresses for Lass and helped her into each one. Then they’d have a dance, run around through the “kingdom,” and do it all over again.

Apparently in their version of Rapunzel, Flynn doesn’t wear a shirt.

They were so fun to watch.

My favorite part was watching Miss help Lass get into her dresses.

They are such good friends. I couldn’t help but picture them someday helping each other get ready for big dances, dates, or job interviews, doing each other’s hair, and helping to pick outfits and accessories. All the things sisters do in my imagination. Perhaps they’re more likely to fight over who gets to drive the car and the fact that one is wearing the other’s shirt without asking. I’m sure there will be both of these types of moments, especially when they’re teenagers. I know they will bicker and fight. I hope, and I believe, that they will also be the best and truest of friends. They already are.

(Even Sis got in on the action a little bit.)

The last dress Miss had Lass change into was her “wedding dress.” I’d be lying if I said this didn’t bring a tear to my eye.

Look at her, helping to adjust her sister in her “wedding dress.”

Someday my girls will be helping each other get ready for big moments like weddings and babies. I don’t have a sister, so I’m totally in awe of this relationship. I am truly thankful that they have each other and that they show their love for each other so much every day. Of course they bicker, they argue over toys, they don’t like to take turns. But I see such tenderness and thoughtfulness between them every day as well.

They’re playing dress up. They’re playing Rapunzel and Flynn (in today’s scenario they got married to each other).

But they’re also practicing being good sisters. Every day, they are honing their skills of love and support for each other that they will carry on throughout their lives.

Maybe someday I’ll get these photos out and show them on Lass’s real wedding day. *Sniff*

Food, Lies, and Church

Posted on March 16, 2013March 16, 2013 by Amy

I have some rules about food and meals and eating in our house. Though I try not to go overboard with crazy rules, I think these are important as they serve to try to ensure my kids eat in a healthful way, to minimize battles over food and eating, and to make mealtime a non-negotiable period of time set aside for family.

Here are the food rules at our house:

We have set meal and snack times. My kids do not eat or drink (except water) all throughout the day. Except for special occasion “picnics” on a blanket in the family room while watching a movie and the occasional snack eaten on the road somewhere, they eat at the table. When they get down from the table, they’re done eating until the next meal or snack.

I do not make special food for my kids separate from what I make for my husband and myself. We all eat the same meal. I often include options like cottage cheese or applesauce for my kids to go along with the meal, but I never make them something else.

No one ever has to clean her plate. My kids eat what they want of what is served. When they say they’re done, they ask to be excused and get down from the table.

Along these lines, I don’t ever require my kids to eat anything at meal time if they say they aren’t hungry. BUT, everyone has to at least come to the table and sit with the family (just for meals, not snacks). This preserves the family meal time and also prevents hungry meltdowns after meals if they really are hungry but just say they aren’t because of being absorbed in playing. And I find that, even if they complain about coming to the table saying, “I’m not hungry!!!” they almost always eat once they’re there.

However, if there is some sort of “treat” being served with or after a meal, they must eat a certain amount of their meal in order to be allowed to have dessert. For example, sometimes we have sweet potato chips or nuts (cashews, pecans, etc.) or fruit along with a meal. These things aren’t considered “dessert,” but I also try not to let my kids just fill up on these alone, so if we have these items at the table, they are required to eat a few bites of their meal, then have a bit of one of these side items, then a few more bites of meal, then some more side, etc.

These rules really work well for our family. We rarely have battles at meal times over how much or what they’re going to eat. We all gather together for dinner, which is important to me. My kids learn to listen to the signals from their bodies to control how much they eat. The girls know the rules, so if they try to do something different, we just recite the applicable rule and they generally comply. It’s part of our family routine.

Yesterday, some of these rules got tested a bit. We had meat and cheese for lunch (lunch meat and sliced cheese without bread is common here). Miss was complaining that she didn’t like this food (though she eats it happily often enough). She stated that she only wanted cheese to eat, which was fine. While the girls were eating, I finished putting groceries away. Miss saw some pecans and asked to have some. I told her she could have some, but she needed to eat her cheese and some meat first. She complained and complained. She said her cheese was “sour,” though again she had eaten some of the same cheese happily the day before. I told her, as I always do, that she didn’t have to eat her cheese if she didn’t want to, but she would not be allowed to have pecans if she didn’t. It was her choice. So she kept eating, and kept complaining. After a bit she said, “Okay, I ate it all.” I started to get the pecans for her, but noticed that she had not in fact eaten all of her cheese. She had eaten most of it, and then hidden what was left under some meat on her plate.

Oh man. Busted.

I told her that hiding her cheese under her meat and saying she was done was a lie. I told her she would not be getting pecans. I was pissed and I raised my voice, telling her that she is not to lie to me ever.

Then I stopped and reminded myself that lying is a pretty normal thing for a kid her age. That she is still in the process of trying to figure out what lying really means (she often will say to her sister while playing, “no, you’re lying,” when Lass isn’t lying but simply says something Miss doesn’t like). I reminded myself that she already felt bad after I confronted her on her lie and told her that she would not be allowed to have pecans. I dropped the issue for a bit and we proceeded to get ready for nap time. I put Sis down for her nap, read books with Miss and Lass, and put Lass down for her nap.

Then Miss and I came back downstairs to have our special time (15 minutes of time set aside every day for us to do whatever she wants while her sisters nap). Before we started, I pulled her up on my lap and told her I wanted to talk to her. I told her that when she intentionally says something that is not true that means she is telling a lie. I told her that sometimes telling a lie might get her what she wants, if she doesn’t get caught, but that it’s never worth it. I told her that lying hurts relationships and makes people not trust her. I told her I was sorry for yelling at her. I told her that I felt angry and hurt and disappointed when she lied to me. I told her that I will always, always love her no matter what, but that if she lies to me, I will not trust her. She listened to all of this very intently and nodded her head. Then she gave me a hug and we moved on to our special time. I think this was a good learning experience for both of us.

And speaking of learning experiences, tomorrow we are going to church as a family.

Gulp.

Is it weird that I’m super nervous about this?

I can’t really pinpoint why. I’ve been in church many times over the past several years, though all of those times have been for a wedding or funeral. Maybe it’s because the last time I went to a church just for the purpose of going to church, no one talked to me, not even a “hello” or a smile, which made it feel very weird and unwelcoming. Maybe it’s because going to church will lead my kids to ask questions that I’m not sure I’ll know how to answer. Maybe it’s because going to church will push me further to work on answering my own questions.

It’s probably a little bit of all of these things. I’ve never been one to shy away from pushing myself though. And I’ve made the decision, with a little help from my husband and some other thoughtful people, that I want my girls to be exposed to the experience of religion and worship and faith and all that. I have some to the realization that I’m grateful for having had that experience to some degree myself as a kid. Because even though I moved away from it for many years, when I needed to draw on that history, I was able to do so. I was able to say a prayer and find some comfort in that. I want my girls to have that foundation, whether they maintain faith and/or religion throughout their lives or not.

And if I had had any doubts left, the other day Miss heard me singing “Amazing Grace” and asked me about the “house” where we had heard that song before. I didn’t know what she was talking about and kept asking her “what house?” while trying to figure out what she meant. She said something about the “big house” where she and her sister had been coloring while people were singing. Then I realized she meant church. She was talking about my husband’s grandmother’s funeral. I think she just confused “Amazing Grace” with either the “Hallelujah” song or “Ave Maria,” both of which were sung at that funeral (though I don’t think “Amazing Grace” was).

Anyway, after I realized what she meant and we clarified that she was talking about church, she said, “Can we go there again someday, Mama?”

Yes. Yes we can.

Taking that leap of faith tomorrow.